


Leave the Sleep in Your Eyes

by Viqapal



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fix-It, Mental Health Issues, Wendigo!Josh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-04-23 23:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4895710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viqapal/pseuds/Viqapal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From his spot on the carpet Josh’s eyes couldn’t let go of Sam’s sleeping form. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep and he really ought to wake her up, but in the gentle light from the fireplace, she was a rare thing of beauty. </p><p>She had come back for him.</p><p> </p><p>Sort of in medias res.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is my first Until Dawn fic. I have so many Josh-feels that I didn’t know what to do with them… I haven’t played the game either but I’m very grateful for play-throughs on youtube.  
> So, Josh x Sam. Yeah…  
> Also I would like apologise for any awkward wording or grammar mistakes - english isn't my first language and I want to share anyways. Yeah.

From his spot on the carpet Josh’s eyes couldn’t let go of Sam’s sleeping form. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep and he really ought to wake her up, but in the gentle light from the fireplace, she was a rare thing of beauty.

 

She had come back for him.

 

Even after he mindlessly tried to bite her – _eat her,_ actually – she had stayed. Unconsciously he scratched his cheek and his nails caught something and he let go with a small noise of discomfort. His eyes searched Sam’s for a sign of him disturbing her but it didn’t seem to be the case. He even noticed a light snoring, which he found quite amusing and awfully adorable. He then looked down at his hands and at the blood that was now stuck under what was left of his former claws.

 

The smell of iron tickled his nostrils but the rush of bloodlust weren’t as inevitable when the blood was his own. Again, he turned to look at Sam and frowned when he thought about how he could have killed her that day. His jaw went tight. She had had a minor injury with a kitchen knife and he had reacted instantly. The smell of her blood had been too much for him and he was suddenly no more than a beast and she was the prey.

 

The thought made him sick.

 

He dared moving a little closer to the couch were she lay – quietly, as to avoiding disturbing her – and then leaned against the rather firm sitting cushions. He was shortly tempted to rest his good cheek against her bended knee, which was only inches from him but he decided against it.

_His good cheek…_

Now, more consciously, he placed a hesitating hand on the barred teeth and investigated the feeling of the deformed flesh on his left cheek. It was still quite tender and he fought a battle not to pick at it or else Sam would scold him for it. He smiled to himself at how she had been mothering him lately. Not always in a very explicit way, actually, more like doing some laundry and cooking as well as commenting on how he should keep himself warm and etcetera. She even reminded him of eating whatever vegetable-looking things were on his place at dinner-time. He sort of appreciated it, however-

 

_-she didn’t know about how it all seemed to turn to ash in his mouth. How it couldn’t ever compare to-_

 

He caught himself and decided that he didn’t need to continue down that lane right now, if ever.

 

Sam stirred a little and Josh froze but he soon learned that it was only a short intake of breath before she let it go with a sigh of contentment. He honestly envied that. A lot.

 

She had looked after him and to be honest, he had sort of forgotten what that felt like. Her presence even seemed to dim his delusions, medicine or not. He still heard Beth’s and Hannah’s voices in his head – sometimes they even drowned out the hungry wendigo that seemed _insatiable_ – but he hadn’t had an incident with hallucinations or anything. That was a start, which he was very grateful for since he knew that his condition was scary enough as it was. _A wendigo…_

His fingertips blindly searched the curves and edges of his new face and his heart sank when he thought of how he might look to Sam. He wasn’t Josh anymore – at least not completely. He had been tainted with something that couldn’t be washed away or forgotten. He wasn’t fully human anymore and the human part that was left was so damaged that it had tried to actually take revenge _over his own friends._

When Josh remembered the clear motivation – all that work he put into the details of what was going to be the prank of a life-time – he swallowed thickly. At no point had he truly reflected on the consequences of what he excused as a joke – a cruel joke, but a joke nonetheless. He just wanted to show them all how his sisters might have suffered – how scared they must have been. And then he had learned the true extent to Hannah’s suffering…

 

His stomach turned at the mere thought.

 

He had been so devastatingly lost in his own misery, himself, and he had willingly given up most of his sanity just to be able to forget. He wanted to escape the torment of his own mind and as a beast he might be able to do just that.

 

That was until Sam showed up.

 

Josh found himself reaching for one of her hands curled up in front of her face. The fire behind him lit up her features and gave her skin a glow that Josh would probably have compared to an angel, if he had been religious at all. Or a romantic cheese ball.

 

The skin under his fingers was warm and soft and he was relieved to see that she didn’t seem to notice his touch at all. By their own accord his fingers started stroking her hand while he watched her breathe. In. Out.

 

And then he felt the urge to kiss her.

 

He hadn’t even noticed how his face had slowly moved closer to hers and his eyes were very much entranced by her full lips, slightly parted in sleep. His heart started speeding up when he imagined how soft they might actually be and how easily he could just lean in…

 

Once again he caught himself and slowly he pulled back from her face. Then, when he looked up, his gaze locked with a very much awake, green stare. Josh practically threw himself backwards as if pushed away by an outer force.

 

“Oh shit! Sam, I’m so sorry – I didn’t mean to startle you like that! I was… I was just-“

 

“Watching me sleep?” He slapped a hand over his now very hot face in hopes of covering up his horror.

“Aw man, I know what that must have looked like. Seriously, I wasn’t thinking about eating you-“

 

“You looked like you wanted to kiss me.”

 

Even though her light voice was still hoarse with sleep, she seemed very much awake and alert. Josh’s hand fell from his face and he gulped rather loudly. Then he turned his face to her, so that only his good side was really visible to her, but he could still keep her gaze. It also helped with not having to look at her directly… However, her green eyes were relentless, so he nervously scratched his neck and nodded.

 

“I… sorta was,” he then admitted. Then he considered how he might be able to salvage the situation and flashed her, what he hoped was a cocky grin. Then he shrugged.

 

“You looked like someone who wouldn’t mind a little goodnight peck on the cheek and who was I to send you away to dreamland without my best wishes-?”

 

“Please, cut the bull, Josh.” She seemed to rub her face in annoyance and Josh now knew what it was like to be caught with his hands in the cookie jar. Again, he swallowed what felt like a rock.

 

“Crap. L-look, Sam, I wasn’t going to kiss you without you being able to have a say, okay? I don’t want to creep you out more than I already do.” He gestured to his face even though that specific side wasn’t fully visible to her.

 

When he considered throwing her another bad joke for banter – because her silence was _killing him_ – he was pulled from his own thoughts.

 

In short seconds, Sam had joined him on the carpet between the couch and the fireplace, which now offered absolutely no shadows for him to cover up the mess that was his face. For a moment she just sat there, studying him and he was so taken aback that he didn’t even flinch when she reached for his left cheek. Again, he was surprised at how soft her skin was and it tugged at a certain heart-string that hadn’t made itself noticeable for a very long time. Her fingers traced the lines he just had and _he couldn’t stop starring creepily at her, dammit._

“You’ve been picking at it,” she commented and Josh smiled in embarrassment. “Yeah, well, it’s hard not to. I just can’t seem to keep my hands off this handsome face.” It was meant as light conversation but his voice was more strained than he would have liked to admit. However, Sam smiled and shook her head at him and that was all he had aimed for.

 

Then, when her eyes returned to his, something in the air seemed to shift.

 

Her hand was still on his cheek but had more or less slid down to rest at the base of his neck. He couldn’t help but notice how she didn’t give a single sign of uneasiness when she looked at him now. His throat tightened in gratitude when he thought of how she wasn’t wary around him anymore.

**_She just feels sorry for you…_ **

**_You’re a pathetic person and it’s in her nature to care for things like you…_ **

****

**_You don’t deserve her forgiveness…_ **

He closed his eyes tightly and tried to remember the last time he took his meds.

 

“Hey,” Sam’s voice grounded him again and he opened his eyes to meet a patient gaze, “talk to me, Josh.”

 

He really didn’t want to but… _he kind of did_. He… just didn’t know how. So he shook his head and tried to smile again, to hide from her. But she would have none of it. Now, with hands on either side of his face, she kept him still and her green eyes went right through him.

 

“You hearing voices again?” It was a bold question and she knew that but perhaps bold was what he needed right now. He nodded and Sam did the same in understanding.

 

“What are they saying? Is it Hannah and Beth?” He suddenly felt like being swallowed up by the floor under them. Still, he nodded again and explained, “They’re just as clueless as I am as to why you’re actually here.” Sam’s brows furrowed deeply and he felt like stroking away the expression back into her usually smooth face.

 

“They tell me that I don’t deserve your attention-“

 

“Josh-“

 

“-or your forgiveness.”

 

Without thinking about it his palms had reached for hers. He tenderly traced circles on them and tried to escape her searching eyes.

 

“Well, you can tell them that that’s total bullshit.” Funny enough, even though Sam swore like any other teenager, foul words on her tongue always seemed so out of place.

 

_Her tongue…_

 

Again, Josh’s eyes fell to her lips and then he confessed, “Well, if they really listened to me, they would have been gone a long time ago.” Now it was Sam who visibly swallowed and then she wet her lips before shortly biting down on her bottom lip, in thought. Josh almost mimicked her just to get a sense of what it would be like to have Sam’s lips teasingly between his own teeth.

 

**_You would bite off a big chunk…_ **

****

**_You’re only going to hurt her…_ **

****

**_She will run from you and never come back…_ **

 

He sighed and felt the frustration in him build up. Had he been alone he would probably have yelled loudly for them to shut up – tell them, that he never wanted to hurt Sam, but because the said girl was sitting in front of him at this very moment he couldn’t react, he couldn’t let her see how much it was affecting him. _He would **not** freak out on her…!_

“It’s all right,” she whispered and her soothing voice somewhat seemed to quiet his mind, and Josh smiled because that was what he always did. That way it was easier to pretend that nothing was wrong. Smiles and humor had been his armor for so long and even though it had cost him most of his friendships, he still fell into the habit of hiding behind the raised corners of his mouth. Or at least the side that actually could smile. _His smile was broken._

 

“Josh.” His mind had wandered but then returned to find Sam who seemed apprehensive. She sighed.

 

“I can’t forget everything that’s happened – I probably never will, but I… I forgive you.”

 

For the first time since he could remember his mind went completely blank. The silence only broke when he took a shaky breath and took her hands in his to kiss them.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered and it was such heart-felt gratitude that filled him at that moment. He had forgotten what it felt like to feel this warm.

 

Then came something all the more unexpected. Sam grasped his hands in hers instead and leaned in only to softly press her lips to his own and he could almost make himself believe that he was back to normal – before anything had happened. His heart skipped at beat and then he was set aflame. He didn’t dare move though.

 

When Sam pulled away his face almost followed hers. She cracked a smile and he let out a disbelieving chuckle. Then she pulled a blond lock behind her ear and looking _honest to God shy_ she said, “So… No cheesy comment or anything? Nothing remotely perverted?” And he could, he really was able – he had already sorted out at least three jokes that could take this whole situation to comedy central.

 

But he wouldn’t.

 

“Can I… Can I make you close your eyes? Please?” It was a long shot on her trust but he felt a warm sensation overwhelm him when she simply did as he asked. Then he leaned in and locked his lips with hers again. He was very careful not to press his sharp teeth against her and when the sensitive skin of their lips relaxed against each other, she let out the tiniest noise of contentment that seriously _did things to him…_

When her hand came up to tug him closer by the neck, he knew he was lost, to hopefully never be found again. She kissed him rather tentatively and she was very cautious as to not poke at his left cheek – he could totally understand why she wouldn’t. It wasn’t until she parted her mouth to let him in when he felt his body respond in other ways than gentleness. Without further consideration he pulled her to him and invaded her mouth. She let out a small whimper and he swore that he felt a low growl at the back of his throat. She tasted of sleep but more than that, she tasted safe and very close to what Josh could only describe as _home_.

 

Suddenly he felt Sam move even closer to him and before he knew it, she was straddling him. There was no time for reevaluation of the whole situation because her _simple being_ kept overrunning all his senses and never had it felt so good to drown. He kept diving in without a second thought and _if she kept making those goddamn noises then he wouldn’t be able to keep his shit together…_

 

He wasn’t careful when he should have been.

 

“Ouch!”

 

The smell of her blood was immediately everywhere. She had cut her tongue on one of his sharp edges and the realization seemed to dawn on her.

 

“Josh…?” He fought to breathe. His eyes wanted to glaze over with what he knew to be an animal’s bloodlust.

****

**_Hungry…_ **

****

He felt it almost overpowering him. _Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck…!_

 

“Please, Sam… Please tell me that you’re real…” She was very aware of his strong reaction and it was also clear to him that she wanted to pull away – to run. However, his hands had a firm grip on her and she had no way of escaping it when his body fought with the indecision. What now seemed like ages ago, even though that really wasn’t the case, she would have pulled a deodorant can and a lighter at him and there had been no decision for Josh to make. Not that he felt like he truly had a choice.

****

**_Kill…!_ **

 

He could smell how terrified she was and the part of him that kept the beast in check was screaming for her trust in him not to wilt. Not now… Not when he had just seen what a future without loneliness might be like.

 

He could smell her fear, yes, but she also let off an aroma of something else entirely, and as of right not, that was his only anchor to reality. To himself.

 

“Please,” he pleaded without meeting her gaze. His voice was weak as he struggled to even form coherent words. “Please, tell me…”

 

So she did.

 

“I’m real, Josh. I am really here.” His eyes shot to hers and if he hadn’t been so desperate for those words at this moment he would probably have been hurt with how frightened she was behind those brave eyes. His breathing was close to panting now.

 

“It’s me. Sam. You wouldn’t hurt me.” Slowly, _very slowly_ , she raised her wrists that were caught in his insisting palms and he looked down at them, “Now let my hands go.”

 

It took him a full minute until he finally did. He finally let go.

 

Slowly but a little faster she got herself removed from him and ended up standing by the fireplace. Fire, fire was good – it would aid her if he got out of control.

 

He felt cold in her absence but he was relieved to find that his thoughts seemed to gather more fluently now compared to just a minute ago. She was here. She was Sam and _he wouldn’t harm her…_

 

**_Hungry…_ **

****

“ _No._ ” His voice was louder than intended and he got to his feet so fast that he skipped how Sam was actually now holding something to the fire to light it up.

 

**_Feed…_ **

****

He stormed to the door and swung it open. The biting cold hit him but he didn’t register it. He needed to get out, _to breathe_. So that was what he did and as his feet crushed the snow under him when he started running, he tried not to think of the shocked Sam he just left behind.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I like my breakfast with lots of angst. Nomnomnom. It’s okay if you think it’s too much – It itched to get out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT3: OKAY, THIS IS THE LAST EDIT, I SWEAR!! So, the whole thing with the location and me being vague about the cabin and such - I've changed it! If I'm going to make a multi-chapter fic, then I might as well do it somewhat properly. Hopefully it's not too much info thrown into a single chapter - I hope it works.

It is the most amazing views you can find on a mountain. One can suddenly come to feel at one with the world around them, and especially the sky on an evening like this was worth staying up for. Nature never truly slept, though.

 

Josh had been outside for about 3 hours. At first, he hadn’t noticed the cold - he blamed the adrenaline. Then it began to bite at him more and more until he found what he had been looking for – besides time to think, that was. The wolverine didn’t know what had hit it until it was too late. When the animal was caught and consumed, it was again as if the cold wind just blew over Josh. A wendigo could withstand more than a human could.

 

He now sat with the remains of the kill in his hands and looked up at the starry sky. It began to brighten, and he knew that sooner or later he would have to return to the cabin.

 

_To Sam..._

 

The beast in his head had been quieted a bit, but it left room for only more confusing thoughts. He had kissed her. And what was even more incredible was that _she had kissed him...!_ He had been a little too engaged in the actual act to think about how it must have felt for her, seeing how his mouth was ripped open on one side and all.

 

He looked down at the lifeless body in his grip and felt a stone sink in his stomach. Though he wasn’t exactly proud to be able to hunt down animals and eat them raw without scruples, it was a lot better than biting down into Sam.

_This is so fucked up…_ He sighed and groaned before he let himself fall into the snow under him. I wasn’t as thick down by the foot of the mountain as it was on the top, by the lodge, but he didn’t miss it. He didn’t miss it _one bit._

 

He stood up and threw the rest of the carcass away before he headed towards the house again. It wasn’t far, but far enough so that he wouldn't be tempted to run all the way back again if _the wendigo_ in his head told him to. When the house slowly appeared among the trees, he looked up and noticed that there was still smoke coming from the chimney. The fire had been kept alive. Which meant that Sam, to all his misfortune, was probably still up.

 

Just before he reached the end of the stairs, he came to think of how he must look. He shoveled a lot of snow in his face in hopes of it washing off some of the dried blood. Not that he had a reflection to check in or anything.

 

Then he looked up the stairs to the porch and swallowed. _One foot in front of the other._

 

The front door was unlocked as he expected. Sam and he hadn’t experienced any wendigoes in these woods, even though they were only a handful of miles from the foot of Blackwood Mountain – and it wasn’t like any doors would actually stop monsters like that anyway… It surely wouldn’t have kept him out – especially when he had been at his worst.

 

The rescuing team had turned up in the mines with flash lights and weary eyes and what they had found hadn’t resembled Joshua Washington that much, but nevertheless, behind the fangs and wild eyes he had been recognized. At that point, he had been on the mountain for a week and the transformation had already overtaken him. He felt cold by the thought.

 

He had trusted in the voices and after the first bite of the rotting corpse there was really no turning back.

 

He had been instantly sedated by the rangers and taken to their station in a helicopter. Not that he could remember anything – all he knew was what Sam had told him when he had regained some sort of human consciousness. The only location he really remembered after he had been left in the mines, was the cabin he was now entering.

 

He stepped inside and a soft light fell into the hallway from the living room and Josh followed its warm glow. Even though the cold hadn't bothered him, he could feel the gentle warmth spread all the way to his bones. The human in him shivered in relief.

 

When he came around the corner he could see Sam sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. When he got a little closer, he could see that she had drawn her legs up under her and she sat with what looked like a cup in her hand.

 

"I made tea if you want some." Only now she indicated any notice of him. If he had entered on tiptoes, it had only been a tiny bit on purpose. She turned to face him and concluded that it had been her full intention to still be awake. She looked like someone who could use some sleep, though.

 

She handed him what turned out to be a cup that had been hidden on the small table next to the couch. Hesitantly he reached out and placed himself opposite of her and the cushions softly molded themselves around him.

 

"Thanks."

 

"No problem." He took a careful sip of the drink. The tea was a bit lukewarm but was certainly drinkable. In fact, it was exactly what he needed for his parched throat. He sighed in contentment and Sam did the same. They sat quietly for a while where Josh pretended that the inevitable awkwardness was indeed avoidable. If he just held his eyes closed, then maybe she wouldn’t point out _how much of a freaking drama-queen he had actually been earlier…_

 

"I’ve made so many cups of tea for you the last few hours, you have no idea. In case you came in the door, you know." He could literally feel her eyes burn into him but her voice didn’t sound reproachful at all. _Could you expect anything less than compassion from her, really?_

 

"Sorry I just disappeared," he apologized as his eyes drew into the depth of his tea.

 

"You needed some fresh air - who wouldn’t?" He snorted but there was certainly a little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

 

"Yeah, it’s sort of healthy, or so I’ve heard." Both chuckled lightly and his eyes reflexively found hers. She looked at him with far more tenderness than he would have dared wish for. Then she let another object emerge from the small table at her side and, completely undaunted, she then placed herself right in his space. Without warning she reached out to his cheek and a damp cloth was rubbed against his skin.

 

"Prepared much?" He didn’t mean to sound disrespectful – actually, he felt very much the opposite – but she was now sitting _so freaking close again and she set his nerves on fucking fire…!_

 

She just shrugged and continued working, "I thought you’d probably have some take-out, now that you didn’t come home to eat." A massive unattractive snort escaped him but it went without saying, that he always appreciated her attempt to lighten the mood. His new murderous bloodlust had a tendency to make things _a tiny bit awkward, though…_

 

"I tried to wash it off."

 

"I can see that." The textile against his cheek was not that comfortable but Josh enjoyed that Sam didn't withdraw from him - although the wisest thing would be to do so, considering the evening's earlier events.

 

When most of the blood was gone, Sam offered him his teacup again.

 

"I have wondered if we could try to train you." He had taken a sip and was suddenly forced to keep in the tea as to not spit it all over them both. The drink instead took a detour up his nose to poke at his brain. It singed.

 

_What…?!_

 

"Train?" Sam nodded unfazed by his near drowning. Then she began to fold the red-blemished cloth together in her lap.

 

"Do I need potty-training? Usually I consider myself very hygienic." He felt a half-hearted slap on the shoulder. Sam sat and folded the cloth again as if she wasn’t happy with the way it had been folded in the first place. She dodged his gaze as she explained.

 

"The idea is that we will go back sooner or later, right? Maybe it would make it a little easier if you didn’t get the urge to eat people as soon as they have a paper cut." The way she talked so effortlessly about something so surreal awakened a clammy sensation in Josh. Here Sam acted totally normal around him – as if there had been no prank, as if he had not become half a monster down the road – and time and again it struck him, that the dark he tried so hard to avoid thinking about, was actually his reality now.

 

"How long have we been here, Josh? Three weeks or something?" He shrugged and ran an unsure hand through his hair. He tried to ignore the voices that slowly but surely began to mutter in the back of his mind. They hadn’t cut clearly through to his thoughts yet but he found it hard to ignore them.

 

"Sam," her eyes were already on him while she awaited his answer but he had a selfish need to get his own answers beforehand, "What makes you believe that anyone wants me home again?"

 

She opened her mouth immediately, as if to argue with him on the spot but since no words fell from her lips he could feel his heart sink. She closed it again and took his hand before squeezing it lightly. She then locked his gaze to hers and her green eyes were ruthless.

 

"What you did was wrong, Josh, and it didn’t just _scare_ a lot of people - it _hurt_ them." He tried to look away but within a blink of an eye her hand kept him where he was – it reminded him too much of a certain position they had been in mere hours ago. He gulped.

 

"You have no right to demand that they forgive you but that doesn’t mean that they won’t do it." She stroked his brow gently. "In any case, you can’t hide up here forever."

 

_But man, he wished he could._

 

**They all hate you…**

 

He shook his head to shake off the voices and he didn’t notice Sam get up before she reappeared, kneeling down in front of him with his pills in hand and a glass of water. He smiled weakly and took it from her, after which he swallowed the medicine.

 

So far, their kiss hadn’t been mentioned and Josh let a hand run down his face. _Try strategically leaving it out of the conversation…?_

 

"You should get some sleep. I’ll wake you in a few hours and then we can try to _potty-train_ you." His objection was hidden in a smile and the only thing he could bring himself to do was glance after her as she went through the door way. _Beautifully done, Casa Nova..._

 

Josh lay on the couch and enjoyed how the heat of the fire lulled him into a comfortable daze. It was close to dawn and after being awake for so long, he could feel the fatigue draining him. His thoughts, however, still returned to Sam.

 

 _Sam, Sam, Sam..._ He was like a puppy, hungry for her affection and he would have mentally kicked his pathetic self, if it weren’t because it felt _so damn good._

 

Then he circled around what she had said and he thought of them all - _Chris, Ashley, Mike, Jess, Emily, Matt..._ He didn’t dare hope for their forgiveness but Sam was right. He couldn’t continue to hide from his problems, from what he had done. However, he didn’t really know how they might react to him – Sam certainly hadn’t been prepared to find him in the condition she did.

 

She had told him that he had acted like a wild animal in a cage and the rangers had no idea what to do with him. They had called upon a doctor to look at him but after an incident where _he might have had the misperception that the dear physician was an all-you-can-eat-buffet,_ he had been contained in isolation. Then Sam had showed up and he had started behaving like a kitten. _Like his crush couldn’t be seen from the moon already._ Though,in his defense, starting to take his meds had also helped tremendously and the rangers hadn’t asked any questions when Sam had started feeding medicine to the monster.

 

Sam had told him that she suspected the staff of knowing at least some aspects of what was actually luring in the shadows of Blackwood and perhaps it wasn’t the first time they had faced something like Josh. They had been able to keep him under control and then they had notified his parents with vague explanations of him being sick or something…

 

He tried to keep track of the flames in the fireplace and he could almost make himself believe that he saw figures dancing over the logs.

 

He hadn’t dared asking Sam too much about his parents. All he knew was, that they knew he was alive but couldn’t return home with the others. They hadn’t tried to come for him – _surprise!_ – and then Sam had taken the stage. She had called them and explained how he wasn’t _stable_ enough to come home yet, which was _partly true_ , he might add _._ They had paid the rent of the cabin and told Sam, that they could stay as long as Josh needed to. He guessed that could be counted for as a show of affection, if you looked closely enough. He covered his eyes with an arm and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut.

 

His parents would be disappointed in him.

 

His friends wouldn’t trust him as far as they could throw him.

 

But Sam was there. He wouldn’t be alone – not completely. Her presence made him stronger, braver. He would face the world with her, but first he needed to regain a little self-restraint around paper cuts.

 

He sighed and closed his eyes as he listened to the soft sound of the fire crackling. In his mind he saw Sam's warm smile and then he could almost – _just barely_ \- recall the feeling of her soft lips against his.

 

<o> <o> <o>

 

A handful of hours later an incredibly apt hiker and an awfully nervous wendigo walked a good distance from the cabin, and Josh felt like the soft couch and hot cup of tea were eons away.

 

"I don’t think that this is such a good idea," Josh picked at a loose thread in his coat pocket, but Sam's insisting spirit was not going to fail today. She was in the process of locating a trap she had set up after he had fallen asleep. She had installed a few in order to use the catch to what Josh called mission _don’t-eat-Bambi_. So far they had not been lucky, which made sense, since the traps had only been set up for a few hours. However, Josh could now hear a high whining from the bushes and the probability of their so-called mission being cancelled got smaller and smaller. His hopes dwindled.

 

Sam rummaged in the bushes, which after she pulled free a small box that clearly gave away the sound of a distressed animal. For a moment she just held it and seemed to chew on the situation.

 

"Don’t be so smug, Sam – you’re supposed to be a Disney princess, remember?" The sarcasm dripped from him as a result of his bad nerves and he also got a well-deserved cold stare. She looked down at the box again. The creature had stopped its whining.

 

"So… How do we do this?" Josh asked, while trying to spot the animal through the small holes in the box.

 

"You won't like it," she replied and he shrugged.

 

"I already don’t like it, so we might as well get some icing on that cake." Sam's lips twitched in a reluctant grimace but then she put down the box gently on the ground, while she from her bag drew out what looked like a rope and a knife.

 

"Ever been a girl scout?" He only tried to lighten the mood a little bit, which was hard since he now had to _put_ _Sam in fucking danger... Again...!_

 

"It's called _desensitization_. You have to be exposed to small doses of something before you can resist reacting to something... bigger." Josh swallowed thickly, thinking back on the smell of Sam's blood. It had been an almost euphoric feeling and what was worse was that he now felt his mouth water simply at the thought.

 

"If I were in that mindset, it could almost have sounded like a bawdy joke." They were a nice pair as they both just stood and couldn’t really declare any next step. But then Sam held out the rope.

 

"I think that I should tie you to something, just in case." He snorted.

 

"I've seen Fifty Shades – not really my thing." He commented but only with half-hearted humor behind the words. Right now, he couldn’t really be distracted from the thought of being able to resist something as invasive as the smell of human blood – Sam's blood.

 

"Let's get one thing straight then," he said as he relieved Sam of the rope and looked around for a suitable anchor, "Under no circumstances are you getting your skin _slashed_ , _cut_ of even _poked_ , alright? We keep this to _animals only_.” Sam nodded and from her bag she brought a familiar deodorant spray-can as well as a lighter. He gave a stunned expression but before he could comment on anything, she shook her head.

 

"We really should get started while we still have some daylight." He tried not to cringe. _Couldn’t they just continue the pleasant banter instead_? He sighed and pointed at a tree, which looked quite suitable for the purpose. Given a few minutes he was tied and bound – especially his hands had been secured. He thought back to how Mike and Chris had done something like that for what seemed like an eternity ago. Now Josh had to earn his freedom.

 

" _Hey_ ," he whined as Sam pulled on the rope a second time to tighten it sufficiently, "I would also like to _breathe_ , thank you very much." Sam muttered an apology and Josh immediately regretted his exclamation. He wasn’t the only one who didn’t like the whole set up. He felt an urge to reach for her – catch a glimpse of a little lively twinkle in those green eyes – but he could do nothing. He could only warn her. He wetted his lips.

 

"I know I’m not that pretty when I go all _Jekyll n’ Hyde_ , but it's gonna be alright, Sam." The blonde looked up and nodded gratefully of him. He remembered how he had comforted his sisters – especially Hannah, when she had felt particularly sad or excluded. It came instinctively to him, he supposed. No one should have to be alone with their troubles – especially the people he cared about. His sisters’ voices were quiet in his head, though.

 

 _Good._ Then he wouldn’t have to fight them too.

 

Sam went back to the box and struggled to open it, and as if the animal had foreseen what was awaiting it, it started to scream loudly in protest.

 

"It, uh-" Josh's voice cracked when his throat in a short time had become increasingly dry, "It's probably best if you let it stay alive." Though he probably should have more compassion for the poor animal's fate, so it hurt to see Sam's eyes become steel when she knew what she had to do.

 

She opened the box.

 

The creature wasn’t large – looked like a ferret – but it wasn’t long before Sam had mercilessly held down the animal and cut into its fur. The animal gave out a piercing shriek, but as the scent of fresh blood hit Josh's nostrils, so he could feel the saliva in doubles. Unconsciously, he began to writhe in the ropes.

 

_**Hungry...** _

 

He tried to breathe through his mouth – anything to avoid the way the blood tickled his sense of smell. He tried to keep a clear head. The animal struggled in panic but Sam held it down with a knee in its back. It screamed for its life and the beast in Josh's mind only wanted to end it.

 

_**Kill... kill... KILL…!** _

 

"...-osh?" Sam's voice was like a light in the fog. Her voice became clearer and at last he could drown out the sound of the pumping blood in his ears.

 

He looked up and made eye contact with her. It was as if everything around him was blurred - everything except her.

 

"Sam?" Her relieved smile got him to echo it.

 

Until something happened, which was not supposed to happen.

 

Sam suddenly pulled away from the rodent, which was gone in a flash only leaving paw prints in the snow. Before he could even react – say something, _warn her_ – she had raised the blade of the knife to the back of her hand and slid it down the smooth skin. Even before he could properly panic he was overwhelmed by the sweet smell of a beating heart and fluid life.

 

_**Life that tasted so good...** _

 

He writhed in his mooring so the whole tree shook. Snow that had rested on the higher branches started to fall down in front of him and it was as if it had a more exhilarating effect on him.

 

He craned his neck and broke into a squealing howl.

 

_**Hunt... kill... feed...!** _

He saw red.

 

Then he saw green.

 

"It's me - Sam. You would never hurt me, Josh."

 

It sounded familiar, _oh so familiar... It was as if he had heard it before..._

 

In his mind's eye he glimpsed something – something like the feeling of a welcoming embrace and soft lips… Warm hands against his cheeks…

 

_"I forgive you…"_

 

He gave a sob from his dry lips and almost felt like coughing up his lungs.

 

It was Sam.

 

Sam he recognized.

 

It was Sam's blood he had smelled, but he shouldn’t – _he wouldn’t!_

 

Her hands were on his face, and Josh felt that this was where they belonged. How many times had she not laid a hand on him and reminded him of who he was? How many times had she not pulled him to her when she should push him away?

 

"You're okay," she whispered and now she stroked his neck, his jaw, "Please come back, Josh. Please come back to me."

 

So he did.

 

His eyes found hers and he could feel pearls of sweat sliding out from under his hat. Exhausted, he smiled at her.

 

"Never left," he said and her relieved grin gave him something that he had not had in a very long time.

 

Something very akin to faith put some feeling back into his fingertips as she untied him.

 

Faith in her.

 

He almost fell to his knees but she caught him, as she always did.

 

“Everything is going to be alright, Josh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I dig this ship so much I was sinking even before I set sail.
> 
> New chapter! Ah man, I'm so scared of disappointing people with my unreliable writing habits but I seriously need more Sam x Josh and JOSH GETTING AN ENDING HE DESERVES.
> 
> And thanks for all the lovely feedback to all those awesome people out there!
> 
> I read a fan fic that used the whole ’Josh eating disney-friends’ part and I found it hilarious, honestly...
> 
> All feedback is welcome :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! There was a lot of blah going on with the former chapter but I changed the setting to them not being in a renovated version of the lodge, but instead a cabin they rented from the rangers in the area - those who rescued them.
> 
> In the former chapter I tried to include an explanation to this.  
> So other than that - NEW CHAPTER!
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

"It was _stupid_ -!"

 

"I know."

 

"It was _stupid_ and _reckless_ -!"

 

"I know."

 

"If you hadn't tied me properly I would have attacked you-!"

 

"I _know._ "

 

"And you didn't even stop to _think_ -"

 

"I'm proud of you."

 

All of the angry air that inflated his chest seemed to seep out of him. Still, he covered his eyes with a hand as he groaned in frustration. No matter what he said, she didn't regret the decision to cut her hand like she was on _fucking Supernatural!_  

Josh had been a little dizzy on the way back to the cabin but the more he came to his senses, the more her decision to test _the wendigo_ made her seem _out of her freaking mind._

 

She didn't even have the decency to look guilty. Then she held out her hand and he knew that the bandages were bloody just a few layers down, "Just see it as part of the training, alright? I trust you." He snorted angrily and sat down on the couch where he buried his face in his palms and mumbled into his hands.

 

He could still smell it – the blood – but somehow it didn't have its usual intoxicating effect on him. He would have wondered about that some more if he _wasn't so fucking angry at her...!_

 

He felt the cushions shift as she sat down beside him.

 

"But I really am proud of you. You did a great job out there, Josh." His hands fell from his face and his exhale was a little shaky.

 

"Just... Don't do it again, okay?" She nodded at him and the way she smiled almost made him forgive her. She practically jumped up to then head for the kitchen, which was really just a stove and a small dinning table, complete with a fridge and large freezer.

 

She found a big white plastic bag and even behind the dulling filter of frost, Josh could smell meat. He appreciated her effort of trying to take care of him – _wendigo 101_ as it was. He clicked his tongue and thought how it tasted bitterly.

 

The freezer wasn't big, but Sam was small and when she had her entire head disappear down there, he could barely make out her voice as she commented on their rations.

 

"We really need to get more if we're going to stay longer." Josh had mostly been unconscious when Sam first took him to the cabin and he hadn't really thought of how she had brought any goods with her in the first place.

 

"Let me guess - you'll send me to do groceries? _Do we need milk, honey?_ " The endearment fell easily from his lips and he couldn't help but enjoy the tingling sensation it gave him to call her something like that, even though it wasn’t serious.

 

" _Harh, harh_ ," she replied and her head reappeared. She quickly closed the lid after her and rubbed her arms for warmth as goose bumps started rising on her skin. "I probably need to go to get us some stuff. Soon." He frowned.

 

"Go?" She nodded.

 

"I can try and contact the station. It's probably a day trip but I could return before dark." A cold feeling washed over Josh and his eyes widened a little when he thought of Sam leaving. _Without him_.

 

He bit down on his bottom lip. Sam wouldn't leave him behind - she had been there for him for so long now…

 

**_Maybe she waited for an excuse...?_ **

****

**_So you wouldn't suspect anything..._ **

****

He tried to shake it off. Sam would never do that - it was only his anxiety talking. 

 

_Right…?_

 

"Uh... sure." He then said and nervously played with the sleeves of his shirt. Sam looked at him and she saw right through him.

 

"I could bring you something, if you want?" She asked and went around the table to approach him. Bright ideas seemed to spring to her mind because she lighted up the whole room with that playful smile. She threw out her arms as if she wanted to embrace the world.

 

"If you could have _anything_ in the world- what would it be?" She awaited his answer with anticipation and he almost laughed at how her eyes glimmered. He considered his answer for a second.

 

"Uhm… A bag of potato chips would be nice." Her face went from play to confusion pretty damn fast. Then she raised and unimpressed eyebrow at him.

 

"Really, Josh? Chips?" He shrugged.

 

"I'm a simple man, with simple needs, Samantha." Then he lifted at finger to his chin as if he just came up with another great idea, “Oh, and a Mountain Dew!” She shook her head but there was definitely a smile on her face.

 

 _Good – this was good_. When she didn’t take him seriously the chance of her seeing the soft spot in his façade was smaller. He wouldn’t ever keep her here against her will, of course, but… _it’s not like the thought hadn’t crossed his mind…_

 

Now he shook his head and he hoped Sam wouldn’t recognize the gesture for what it was.

 

She looked at the bag on the kitchen table and then she started to fill up the sink with hot water which after she put in the bag. At first it seemed like it wanted to float but then it sank heavily to the bottom. Josh chose to pull out a chair by the table and watched her work.

 

Even considering monsters and curses - _hell,_ even considering the _loss_ he had endured on this creepy mountain, he still couldn't shake the feeling that he wanted to stay here. With Sam. Here they had this sort of bubble that couldn't be busted by the real world. The way she just went to the freezer to take out whatever they were going to have for dinner seemed so ordinarily domestic that he couldn't help himself but entertain the thought, that he could get used to this.

 

As if he wasn’t already lost down _that_ rabbit hole.

 

“If _I_ could have anything in the world,” she began, still with her back turned to him, “I would like a big bathtub surrounded by candles and bubbles.” At first he entertained the thought of how nice it would be for her to relax like that – how much she deserved it. Then the sudden reminder came crushing down on him, of how _he_ had actually tainted that specific comfort of hers. He swallowed and thought back on how much he had prepared for the prank. He had even filmed her in the bath and he had more or less intended on sharing her distress with the whole world. It had been so much easier for him when he had put on the mask – become the psycho. He had enjoyed watching her run from him and he _had justified it…!_

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

She turned around and dried her hands in a dish cloth. She looked a little uncertain but she covered it quickly, “As I said, I’ve forgiven you, I just-“ There was that concept again – _forgiveness._

 

“No, really I- I _want_ to apologize.” He locked gazes with her and he desperately needed her to hear him out, to listen to him, “Sam, I made you run for your life in nothing but a _goddamn towel!_ You don’t just _forgive_ something like that! You can’t just _forgive_ the way that I treated you guys-!”

 

He was cut off by the sound of the dish cloth being thrown at the dining table in front of him. Sam’s eyes were on fire.

 

“You listen to me Joshua Washington, and you listen to me _good_. If I didn’t forgive _you_ then how the hell could I ever try to forgive _myself?_ ” Her anger shone through and he unconsciously leaned away from her in the chair he sat in. Even across the table she towered over him.

“We weren’t the only ones hurt here, Josh – if anything, _you_ were the one hurting the most!” He shook his head and readied his ammunition of more arguments as to why he wasn’t really worth her time, _worth that kind of kindheartedness_. Then he saw it.

 

Sam’s eyes were glazed with tears and she bit her lip the way that told him that she had more to say. He wet his lips and leaned in again.

 

“Sam-“

 

“Will you forgive me, Josh?” Her voice was so small he almost didn’t hear it. Now he saw the situation for what it was – her wall was falling apart slowly. He wasn’t the only one who had been eaten away by guilt and regret. His heart broke for her as it never had before and he reacted on impulse.

 

He was by her side in less than a heart beat and his first instinct was to pull her close. So he did. She sniffled into his shoulder.

 

“You were hurting so bad and I didn’t see it. You came to me and _I didn’t know_. I’m so sorry, Josh, _I’m so sorry_ you had to go through all that alone.”

 

He felt his own tears press behind his eyes but now was not the time. For once it was Sam who needed _him_ and _he_ _would damn well man up to care for her too._

 

“There’s nothing to forgive, Sammy.” He loosened his embrace so that he could see her face. He gently dried her tears with his thumbs and he looked at her with unquestionable reassurance, “You didn’t know because I didn’t tell you, alright? There’s no way you could have known.” She nodded and then dug herself into his arms again. He dwelled on the feeling of her smaller form against him and the golden locks under his fingers was soft and light. She smelled of fire and fresh air and all he wanted to do was stay like this with her.

 

He was aware of the tears wetting his shoulder but then he suddenly felt her lips on his neck. It was small and quite innocent really but his whole body responded immediately and he tried to cover his shiver with holding her tighter.

 

She then slowly pulled away and he swore that he could see the whole world in her light eyes, which had only exploded in all the more hues of green because of her tears.

 

Suddenly a scratchy sound pulled Josh from the bliss he was currently experiencing. Sam’s eyes seemed to glib back into reality and they both turned their heads to the radio, which was placed on a desk in the other end of the room. It sounded mostly like white noise until–

 

 _“Uhm… Hello?”_ A voice sounded unsure in the other end and Josh could have sworn-

 

 _“Roger? Sam, you there?”_ Sam looked at him and wiped her eyes as she let out a small laugh. Then she looked to the radio and back at him before she practically jumped to the machine and pressed down a little too hard on the button for the microphone.

 

“Chris, is that you?! Over.” Josh’s eyes were going to roll out of his head, they were so wide. _Chris…?!_ Chris was calling them over the radio…?

 

 _“Yeah! Yeah, Sam it’s me! How’re you doing out there?”_ He sounded so relieved and Josh could only imagine what they would all think might have happened to Sam since she didn’t return after the announcement that Josh had been found.

 

“You know you’re supposed to say _over_ , when you want us to answer, right? Over.”

 

 _“Sure, roger that! Uh, over.”_ Sam laughed and it was like Chris was right there in the room with them. Josh suddenly felt like withdrawing from the situation – as if he was somehow intruding on the friendly conversation that was unfolding.

 

Sam’s laugh reduced itself to a light giggle, “We’re fine. Everything’s been quiet since we arrived here and Josh is getting better. Over.”

 

 _“That’s… great to hear. Is he there now? Over.”_ Sam turned around to find Josh still standing by the dinner table. His mouth fell open before it closed with a snap. Sam was just on the brink of asking him to come to the microphone but Josh’s heart could race with a horse at this rate and he shook his head so quickly, it could almost be called frantic. She looked unsure.

 

“Um… He can’t come to the radio right now, but I’m sure he wants me to say hi. Over.” The other end of the conversation fell silent for a short moment before a swooshing noise echoed in the speaker, which sounded an awful lot like a sigh. Josh felt like he couldn’t fit in his own skin as he simply waited for Chris to speak – with anticipation was to put it mildly.

 

_“Actually, I was thinking I might join you out there, if you wouldn’t mind a visit? Over.”_

At that moment, it was as if Josh could suddenly see the whole situation from outside of his body. He felt a little light headed and his body might as well be made of cotton when he heard the request repeated in his head.

 

Chris hadn’t just contacted Sam to check up on her – _he wanted to come to the cabin._

 

Before his guilt could talk him out of it, he was by Sam’s side and pressing the speaker button.

 

“Hey man.”

 

 _“Josh? Is that you, bro?”_ He asked in what sounded very close to disbelief and Josh couldn’t help the tug of a smile.

 

“Yeah, Cochise, it’s me.” A happy huff of laughter could be heard on the other end and Josh felt his chest tighten at the thought of his friend at the end of the line.

 

“So… You wanna stop by or what?” There was a rustling sound until Chis answered.

 

 _“Yeah, totally! Uhm… I just need some coordinates, I guess.”_ Sam took over and pressed the button before she replied, “Ask the sheriff – he knows. By the way, you mind bringing some food? Over.”

 

 _“Sure! Chinese or Mexican?”_ Sam rolled her eyes but they both laughed nonetheless.

_“I’ll see what I can do. Then I’ll see you soon! Over.”_

“Sure will!” Josh answered but waited until the line went dead with white noise before turning off the active-mode of the radio. His breathing was almost a little ragged – his heart was in his throat. Still, the grin on his face would simply not falter.

 

“You didn’t say _over_.” Sam commented teasingly and he shrugged. He hadn’t felt this light since… _yeah,_ he didn’t know when.

 

Instead of Sam leaving him behind, he got two of his favorite people under the same roof. He couldn’t believe his luck.

 

Chris was coming and there was nothing that could keep Josh from the excitement of seeing what he hoped was still his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wauw, emotional roller coaster! Hope it wasn't too much but there is nothing more enjoyable than writing confrontations... except from first-kisses, maybe.
> 
> Speaking of smooches - oh my god Josh jUST TALK ABOUT THE KISS ALREADY.
> 
> Please tell my what you think :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kindness - comments, kudos - I'm such a happy panda, you've no idea!! 
> 
> New chapter, different angle. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

Chris remembered riding in the helicopter when they were all rescued from the lodge but then the last thing on his mind had been the view from far over the tree tops. Even though his destination cabin was a bit far from any of the mountain tops the landscape under him was pretty damn lovely.

 

“We’re almost there. I’ll have to send you down by ladder because of the trees.” He gave a thumbs up. Heights had never been a problem. Besides, _fear_ had altogether turned a completely different shade to him since that night about a month ago.

 

When he was down on the ground and felt the snow crackling under his feet he saw the helicopter disappear over the tree tops.

 

He looked around and took in his surroundings. He had spotted the cabin from the aircraft and had a sense of which direction to take. And if he had ever been in doubt, he wasn’t when he heard a happy voice in the distance and saw two shapes emerge from the winter wonderland.

 

“Chris!” It was Sam’s voice and he was pleased to see the happy smile that met him under her covers of warm clothing. A little warmer than the yoga pants she had worn on the mountain. Only his big back pack kept him from falling over her when she embraced him. _Strong as ever, it seems._  

 

Then he turned to Josh who was standing at a close distance but still with quite some space between them – as if he hesitated to approach. He was also kept warm by a soft looking coat and besides a hat to keep his head warm, he had a huge scarf covering his face up to his nose.

 

“Hey Cochise.” The muffled voice came from Josh and Chris couldn’t help but smirk.

 

“Hey bro.” Chris had been just _a tiny bit nervous_ to see Josh again but when his friend was standing in front of him again looking goofy in winter clothing, he couldn’t really help but remember why he was here.

 

That was when Chris chose to clasp his friend in a welcoming hug and after an insisting pat on the back he withdrew to find a surprised-looking Josh, to put it mildly. His light eyes crinkled, though, and betrayed the smile that was hidden by the scarf.

 

Yeah, Chris had been nervous about seeing Josh but he was here for a reason.

 

“So she boring you with talk of global crises yet?” Josh shrugged and held up his hands.

 

“Well, I _do know_ all there is to know about recycling by now.” They exchanged knowing looks as Sam huffed in forced annoyance.

 

“Well, aren’t we laughing at the expense of the minority here, huh, boys? I think you should have stayed at home, Chris.” Both guys chuckled and then Sam pointed them in the direction of the cabin. Chris was actually a little surprised to take in the almost idyllic atmosphere the place seemed to manifest in the glittering snow, the smoke from the chimney and the golden light from the windows. It was getting darker already and he really wanted to get inside before it turned dark.

 

“So… no monsters in the backyard?” He asked because he couldn’t help it and he was actually way more relieved by Sam shaking her head, than he cared to admit.

 

“I think we’re too far from the actual _cursed_ zone. The rangers who have been stationed here haven’t ever spotted anything like that in the area. Trust me, I asked.” Chris looked at Josh who also just nodded and opened the front door.

 

Chris had prepared himself with a warmer coat – his former one had been a little too blood-stained to still have a place in his wardrobe – but it was nice to be indoors again. He shed his several outer layers and scarf but when he turned to the others he noticed that only Sam had done the same. Josh looked a little lost.

 

“You starting to catch a cold or something?” He honestly wished it had been so because the look on both their faces revealed that something a little more serious than a cold was going on. Josh and Sam exchanged looks, which after she turned to Chris with a gaze that nailed him to the floor.

 

“There’s something you need to know, Chris-“

 

“-I look a little different.” Josh finished. He placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder and giving it a light squeeze before locking eyes with Chris.

 

“I brought a razor blade, if it helps.” Chris wanted to keep the mood light – at least until he had taken off his shoes and gotten warm by the fire – and this conversation was already going to a place where he got worried. _Should he be worried?_

 

“Yeah, it’s not that I need a shave, man. I, uh… I sorta…” he looked to Sam for some sort of assurance. She nodded encouragingly and he continued, “-almost turned into a wendigo.”

 

Chris frowned skeptically but his blood froze just by the mere mention of those beasts they had encountered by the lodge. Then Josh’s words sank in.

 

“You… _almost_ turned into a wendigo?” Josh nodded and then started to untangle his scarf.

 

“Please don’t freak out.”

 

His voice became clearer by the three times it took for the fabric to untangle around Josh’s neck. Chris could see more and more skin exposed and his heart was in his throat when he saw just how wrong he had been about this being about Josh’s stubbles. The blood was slowly draining from his face.

 

“Chris…?”

 

There were sharp teeth sticking out of Josh’s cheek and where the skin didn’t seem to be stretched in unnatural angles, the exposed gums created several pink craters and cuts to create what was clearly to be a mouth way bigger than a human’s. He gulped as he remembered a face very much like this one on a body that tore a man’s head from his shoulders in seconds. He coughed to hide whatever sound accompanied his shock. _Holy…_

 

“ _Who’s freaking?_ Not me – _nope_.” His voice was a little strained, though. Sam and Josh both looked a little uneasy as if he was going to explode anytime now but _no, he was going to keep it together – really, he was…! If they would just stop staring at him like that, it would also be very much appreciated, thank you._

“So I shouldn’t be worried that you’re going to steal my razor?”

 

Sam looked at the brunet who simply looked speechless. If Josh needed reassurance, then that was what he was going to get.

 

“You can wipe that giant smirk from your face now, bro. I’m here because I want to help, alright?”

 

The laughter that came from Josh sounded so relieved that Chris couldn’t help but join in. New face or not, Josh still _sounded_ like himself and he was so happy to be able to recognize his friend behind all the shit they’d been through. _And now this…!_

 

When he had left Josh in that shed he hadn’t liked it – but he had been so confused and _pissed_. Then, when the stranger had told them that Josh was dead meat in the hands of those wendigoes he had wanted to take it all back. At first he had felt that the guy they had tied up hadn’t _really_ been his best friend but… _it was._

There was no way around it – Josh had acted out and Chris regretted not being able to stop it before it began. Josh needed friends now more than ever – curse or not. Even though he would have to hide the creeps those fangs were giving him. Then he took a determined breath. _I’ll get used to it._

 

“Where am I to be installed? Can I order room-service?” The others led him into one of the bedrooms with only a dresser and a bed, as well as a nightstand with a lamp. The window didn’t let in much light but he could manage. He started to unpack.

 

“Well,” Josh’s voice startled him a bit as he turned to the doorway where the brunet was leaning against the frame, “You regretted coming yet?” Chris rolled out the upper drawer of the dresser and put in the clothes he had brought as well as some of his other possessions.

 

“No, I haven’t.” He could easily prod Josh for whatever he was obviously holding back – usually hidden in banter and countless jokes – but there was no way that Josh was going to slip through his fingers again. His friend had always been good at talking a long way around the touchy subject. So Chris tried to make himself crystal clear.

 

“I was so relieved when I heard that they found you.” Josh nodded with a weak smile but his eyes were earnest. Chris wetted his lips, “I needed some time, bro, but I wanted to come back as soon as I heard. Ash sort of needed me.” By that Josh’s eyes lit up and the smile became a little wider – the inhuman smirk on his left cheek making it a little harder to spot.

 

“So… you and Ashley?” Chris nodded and Josh mimicked him knowingly, “Finally.” Chris couldn’t help but smile when he thought of his very new relationship.

 

“I don’t really know if I should thank you. I mean, even though it was the most disturbing way to play wing man, you sort of-“

 

“Don’t thank me. _Really_.”

 

Chris was a little taken aback by Josh’s stern voice but his friend seemed to cover it just as quickly as it has shown. He put on a smile, “Besides, you’d have gotten together eventually. Perhaps in the next ten years or something.” Chris snorted and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“But really, man, I’m happy for you. You deserve each other.” Chris felt his heart grow.

 

“Thanks bro.” Josh nodded with a small smile and then his eyes caught something beside Chris, in the drawer.

 

“What’s that?” He asked and Chris looked down into the drawer to find a small box he hadn’t noticed until now.

 

“It’s… scrabble?” Josh leaned over and took the old box from the dresser, it’s corners worn from many bumps and scrapes.

 

“I haven’t played that since high school. We used to play it sometimes and Hannah…” He went silent as his eyes grew a little darker and they both remembered exactly what had happened to Hannah. Then Josh seemed to catch himself and he shook his head as if the thoughts would evaporate with it. Chris wanted to say something but Josh was quicker.

 

“Hannah… used to be so much better than Beth and I. We were so sure she cheated somehow – came up with her own words or something.” Chris was surprised to hear Josh talk about his sisters like this. Truth be told; he had imagined that the knowledge of their horrible fates would hinder much of the recovery he might have been through so far.

 

Then Chris chose to take the box from Josh’s grasp and exclaim, “Then consider yourself challenged.” _Man_ , he had missed that playful glint in his friend’s eyes.

 

“Oh, you’re _on,_ Cochise.”

 

They stormed into the living room and sat by the dinner table. All the checkers rattled in the box until they loudly scattered all over the table.

 

“Sam, you in?” Josh then asked the blonde who was currently feeding the fireplace. She brushed her hands in her jeans and smirked as she recognized the game.

 

“You ready to lose, Washington?” She joined them at the table and the war of words began.

 

They didn’t have a dictionary, so there was much suspicion when words such as ‘serendiputy’ was spelled with a _u_ instead of an _i_.

 

At one point Sam threw a checker at Josh when he commented on one of her words and Chris had almost completely forgotten where they were and why they were here. Although Josh’s looks were a grim reminder.

 

Still, the way that Josh would smile at Sam made Chris wonder… Sam had really been a hero through all of this. She hadn’t been home longer than to assure her parents that she was still alive, until Josh had been announced rescued.

 

Chris felt like a chunk of ice was melting in his stomach as he remembered the guilt of not returning with her. He had wanted to – _he really had_ – but he had been so much more messed up by that night than he first thought. And Ashley had been even worse. His nightmares had been sick but hers…? He couldn’t leave her like that. Not when she needed him.

 

“So what do you think, Chris? Is it allowed to spell ‘xi’?” Chris came back to reality by the sound of Sam’s voice but before he could answer Josh wanted to make a point.

 

“Excuse me, who made you the word-master?”

 

“ _Word-master?_ ” Sam raised an eyebrow and looked doubtfully at Josh.

 

“Or _Lady Scrabble_ – your choice.” He shrugged casually.

 

They had always been good at banter and Chris knew, that that was also one of the reasons that Josh had always enjoyed Sam’s company so much. She was smart and quick witted, and it had occurred to Chris before that they would probably fit well together.

 

“I’ll take Lady Scrabble then.” Josh held up his letters as he tried to charm his way to the points.

 

“So what’s the verdict, your Ladyship?”

 

However, there had never been this sort of connection between them – at least not clearly to Chris, anyways – but he recognized that look in Josh’s eyes when he thought neither of them were looking. He knew it because that was pretty much the exact replica of the eyes he had sent Ashley an embarrassingly amount of times.

 

_Complicating things even further, huh?_

 

Josh did get his points, though.

 

When the game was over and it came to preparing some sort of meal, Chris conjured the food he had been tasked to bring with him.

 

“ _For real?_ ”

 

“Is that… _pizza?_ ” Chris nodded proudly and held out the packages in front of him.

 

“Frozen, but yeah. Something for every taste – Two times meat-lover and one vegetarian.” Their eyes lit up like Christmas lights.

 

“And I also brought something for the kids,” he added and from the thin air three small bottles emerged and the sparkling insides made Josh’s eyes widen.

 

“ _Soda?_ Seriously, bro?”

 

“I’ve never been more serious in my life, Mr. Washington.”

 

He put everything down on the table and went to prepare the oven – he had been so relieved when he had spotted it when he first arrived. You didn’t know what to expect with equipment in a cabin in the woods.

 

“I actually wanted to bring beer but then I thought, with your medication and all…“ Josh simply continued setting the table.

 

“Good call. I’d probably be drunk as a skunk after only one.” Chris turned around and stared at his friend who didn’t even look up as he readied the plates. Chris hadn’t actually meant to add the last part, it just escaped him, but again he was amazed to see Josh simply go with it without the usual need to avoid the topic. Perhaps it wasn’t his place, but he felt sort of proud to see this change in his best friend.

 

When the pizza was eaten and the drinks enjoyed there had been a lot of laughs at the table. Chris felt a lot lighter than he had in a long time but the guilt was also making itself known just under his skin. Guilt about being able to have fun without Ashley. She was still at home fighting demons like the others, and he somehow felt like he ought to be there and fight them with her.

 

Then again, he was sort of trying to fight his own by coming here.

 

“It’s nice to hear that you and Ash finally got it together,” Sam said as she took a last sip of her bottle, “you’ve been beating around the bush for _sooo long._ ” Chris chuckled and fidgeted with his empty bottle.

 

“Yeah, it’s great. She’s… well, you know.” Both Sam and Josh nodded in agreement but then Josh suddenly blurted out a question.

 

“How… how is she?” Chris smiled sadly at his friend and shrugged.

 

“She, uh… she’s managing. She didn’t really like the idea of me coming here, which makes sense, I guess. It’s been tough for us all, I think.” Josh nodded and somehow seemed to want to avoid eye contact as well as seeking it out.

 

Also Josh fidgeted noticeably now but Chris was patient. Only when Sam put a hand on Josh’s nervous ones he sighed and looked up.

 

“I’m so sorry I put you through that, Chris. I should never have done it.” Chris sighed. He honestly appreciated the apology even though the whole scenario ironically still had had a somewhat pleasant outcome.

 

“I can’t say that I agreed on your methods but you got us together, didn’t you? I mean, if this is what Ash and I would actually have to go through to admit that we liked each other, then I don’t think we’d ever have had the spines to do it otherwise.” Josh nodded but the look of guilt was still there and it clutched at Chris’ heart to see his friend this distraught. He let his eyes wander over the monstrous smirk on his friend’s cheek. _Hadn’t he been punished enough?_

“Look, I can’t say anything for the others, not even Ashley, but _I’m_ not going anywhere until you want me to, alright?” Chris couldn’t ever remember a time where he had Josh hanging on to his every word like this before. It was uncanny but Chris found that his voice only grew stronger, “I want you to get better, bro, and then we’ll go home and see if the others will come around, okay? Baby steps.”

 

Gently, Sam’s hand squeezed Josh’s and she sent him a small smile which he reflected.

 

There it was again – that certain look on Josh’s face that Chris knew had been on his own far too many times when with Ashley. What was interesting was that he couldn’t really deduce if Sam either didn’t notice it for what it was or she _did_ and there was more to this situation than Chris had ever anticipated. Not that he was going to get involved – even though he wanted to help out Josh there was no way he was going to pressure him with something so delicate. _What is the procedure for an almost-wendigo dating, anyways?_

“Thanks, man.” The humble gratitude was quite evident in Josh’s green eyes.

 

“Anytime.” Chris smiled and then he stretched with a yawn.

 

“Well, I’m beat,” he slowly stood up and then saluted his friends, “and that mattress in the other room is totally calling out my name. I’ll bid you a goodnight and send you some of my bed bugs.”

 

“Please do.” He looked back and saw how Sam had stood up to take care of the bottles and Josh was waving Chris his goodnight.

 

When he retreated to his bedroom he couldn’t help but lean against the door for at moment and inhale slowly before letting his breath go in a deep sigh. This had been an eventful day. To his pleasant surprise, his gut told him that Josh might almost be ready to face the world – at least with some assistance – but what Chris doubted was if the world was going to be ready for him.

 

Ashley had cried when he had told her he wanted to come here and be there for Josh. Her hysteria came and went but mostly it was a definite companion to her nightmares – but she had cried so hard as she had told him that she didn’t want him anywhere near that mountain, near those monsters. To be honest, she had seemed so upset over him leaving that he had had a hard time figuring out if she was really mad a Josh for that morbid prank of his.

 

Well, he guessed she was, but there had been so many fucked up things happening to them by the lodge that it was hard to sort out what had left the biggest impression. It was hard to tell who was starring in her nightmares most frequently – the psycho or the wendigo. And Josh was now sort of both…

 

He made himself ready for bed and threw himself onto the mattress. Too many thoughts were spiraling in his mind and he hoped that sleep would be a little relieving or perhaps even a little epiphany-granting. He had no idea how to play his part here but so far it had gone well enough.

 

Nevertheless, what was most important was that Josh – his best friend – was still alive and seemed more and more in his right mind. There was hope that maybe they could leave at some point and try to start over with their lives and it was on that comforting note that he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Chris' POV. I really wanted him in here like this - because BROS!! Also, Sam will be right up next. And we'll get back to Josh eventually, if you're worried about that.
> 
> Please tell me what you think :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to try and do Sam's character justice - I don't want to disappoint. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_Beth's head rolled towards her, dead eyes staring out into nothing until their white shallowness came alive to lock gazes with her._

_" **Sam... Help me...** " Beth’s voice wasn't her own anymore but the pleading was so very real. When Sam went to grab the head she was suddenly hauled backwards. Huge claws held her by the throat to the black nothing behind her and she was choking as she struggled to get loose._

_" **Why didn't you find me, Sammy? I was down here the whole time!** " It was Hannah’s voice but when Sam opened her eyes it wasn't Hannah’s face but the monster who had almost killed them that night. Her best friend was no more but Hannah’s begging voice made Sam let out a sob. _

_" **We died in pain… We suffered because of you!** " Tears were streaming down her face when the hand let go of her. She fell to her knees and fought for air. No… no, no, no, no, no…_

_Then a pair of boots appeared in front of her and she looked up to see Josh – the psycho he had been that night – and the white mask smirked at her sadistically. The deadly voice that had played over the speakers crept into her very bones._

**_“Hello, Samantha.”_ **

****

_She wanted to scream, yell, shout out the acid that was eating her up from the inside. But she felt cold when the fake face only seemed to dwell in her fear, to mock her because of it._

****

_Then the mask fell off and hit the ground with a loud noise. This couldn’t be real… She heard Josh’s scream – the one that had accompanied his death as he was sawed in half. Josh was dead… Josh was dead…!_

_But… he wasn’t… She looked into his green eyes right now._

_He looked down at her with such raw despair but his frightened eyes soon turned into a morbid white gaze as the gash in his cheek emerged from his skin. Teeth crawled out from under his skin and a hungry drool hang from it.  Then he let out a horrifying scream that made Sam cover her ears. Don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me…! But as she dared to look up again Josh lashed out and she choked on her scream as his fangs tore into her neck._

 

The first thing Sam noticed when she woke was a single drop of sweat rolling down her face. Her whole body felt overheated and clammy and she threw off the duvet with a muffled sound. Her heart beat so fast she thought it was fighting its way out of her chest and her breathing was ragged. She tried to calm herself but it took longer than usual – the dream was still so clear in her mind. 

 

"Fuck..."

 

She covered her face with her hands – to shield herself against the images that was still burned to the inside of her eyelids.  

 

The nightmares took countless shapes, changing between several parts of what had been the worst night of her life.

 

Beth's eyes, Hannah's voice and Josh's scream... She would never forgive herself for giving up on finding the twins and she'd make sure that Josh didn't suffer the same fate. _Over her dead body._

 

She recalled his deadly look from her dark dream and she couldn't shake the fear it sent through her. She had to replace the image – she had to see him.

 

When she opened the door to the living room there was still a few red glows left in the fireplace and from that and the blackness outside she guessed it wasn't many hours since they all went to bed.

 

Barefoot she treaded softly on the wooden floor, which had already begun to turn colder since the fire started to die out.

 

She reached the end of the couch where Josh lay on his side, knees slightly bended. His right side was upturned and from here she could imagine him with a whole face again. She chose to sit down lightly on the armrest as she continued studying his sleeping form.

 

He was _here_ and he was _better_.

 

Sam would dream about how Josh didn't deserve this terrible curse but other times she would helplessly witness him calling out to her as she couldn't get to him before he went mad with hallucinations. _Before he broke…_

 

Those dreams reminded her of the days where he had called her in the middle of the night just to hear a voice that was real. At those times he had been completely out of it but somehow she had thought that she had been able to comfort him. She had thought that she had been enough and it was only far later that she realized how wrong she had been.

 

Josh had wanted revenge. No matter how much Sam thought they had helped each other deal with their grief and loss, he had kept this big secret from her. She had been terribly hurt and angry at Josh when she found out the truth. When his presumed death was shown to her in the small cinema she had wanted the floor to swallow her, with all her fear and misery.

 

Then he had come back to life… _Just so he could be taken from her again…_

 

Her heart had finally slowed down but she was restless with her ruminations.

 

"Hey." Josh's voice was cloaked in sleep and she was positive that it had been her loud mind that had stirred him.

 

"Hey." She answered and when he sat up, he pulled his legs to him so that she could join him on the cushions. He rubbed his eyes.

 

"Nightmare?" She nodded and he offered her some of his blankets which she gladly covered her legs with. It was warm and comfortable, and she pulled it closer around her. She fiddled a little with the edge of the covers as she contemplated her next words.

 

"I… I let you down." He had rubbed his face free of sleep and locked his gaze on her. She started scratching at the fabric between her fingers, seeing she didn't have the courage to meet his eyes.

 

"In your dream?" She gnawed at her bottom lip. Then she let out a trembling exhale.

 

"I'm so sorry, Josh." She felt her throat tighten and a burning itch behind her eyes, "I feel like I failed all three of you." He seemed to hesitate for a moment before choosing to scooch closer. He placed an arm on the backrest behind her as he searched her face. She looked away but in his persistence he turned her face gently but securely to his. His eyes which were usually a light green now seemed darkened somehow. She guessed that that was what sort of happened when you’ve seen too much. Although, despite his firm grip, he maintained a soft look.

 

"You’ve _no idea,_ do you? Just how much you've done for me just by being here." His fingers on her skin were warm and he started to stroke her soothingly on her cheek. She felt her face grow hotter and she was very thankful for the humble lighting.

 

"There was nothing you could've done – you hear me? Hannah and Beth, they..." He swallowed and shortly squeezed his eyes tightly before giving her the most earnest and stern gaze she had ever experienced from him. "It wasn't your fault. _Any of it_." Sam swallowed a whimper but she couldn't help her eyes glazing over. She bit her lip as she searched his eyes for the smallest indication of dishonesty. She found none.

 

Her eyes then unconsciously roamed over his face. A face that she had grown so comfortable with even though it was a true reflection of her nightmares. When she looked at Josh now it didn’t awaken fear in her as it had in the beginning. He had been a wild animal when she had first seen him in that cell at the rangers’ station but determination had led her way. She had called his parents who had more or less already ordered plane tickets to come and get him but she had insisted on them staying at home.

 

 _“I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think he’ll feel even guiltier if you came.”_ She had never felt so grown up as in that moment. The Washington’s had been reluctant but they knew of their son’s relationship with Sam – especially after the twins’ disappearance. Luckily, they had trusted her and then they had offered to pay for their stay at the cabin.

 

She felt a little guilty for not telling Josh that his parents had wanted to come but she knew that he would surely only see disappointment in their eyes, even if there was none to be found. Also, there was the minor detail with Josh not being fully human at the moment.

 

Fortunately for her, the rangers had been very vague when they had contacted the Washington’s to tell them that their son had been found – they had claimed him unstable and kept it at that. He had needed to be tamed – encouraged back to humanity. So she had taken on the task pretty much by herself. Everyday she had come to the cell and, miraculously, only after at week, he had showed signs of a conscious mind returning to the surface. And when he had first spoken to her, she had wanted to cry from relief.

 

He was coming back.

 

“You, uh… you dreamt of me?” Only now Josh seemed to notice his hand on her face but as he quickly removed it from her, she returned from her musings. She caught his palm in her own to hold it in her lap.

 

She didn’t know if it was a good idea to tell him but _she really wanted to_. This was _Josh._

She didn’t know exactly when it had started – their connection. There had been drunken talks and long strolls where she had suddenly been able to free her heartache and how much she had missed her best friend. No matter how much her own efforts to truly soothing his pain might have failed, his presence had remedied hers tremendously. _She hadn’t felt so alone._

 

She then nodded to his question and recalled her nightmare as she bit her lips shortly.

 

“You were wearing that mask, but… then it came off and your look was _so… pleading_. You wanted my help but there was nothing I could do,” she explained and rested her eyes on the last glows in the charred logs in the fireplace.

 

“Then you attacked me.”

 

His face fell and she could almost see the weight of his heavy thoughts on his slumped shoulders.

 

“Are you… still scared of me?”  

 

Again, she remembered the day she had first seen him. It broke her heart to see him like this now, self-doubt so evident. She gently squeezed his hand.

 

“I came in here because I wanted to make sure that you were still you. Whatever scares me, Josh, it’s not you, it’s… it’s what resides _in you._ ” He nodded although he didn’t really seem reassured. She wanted to groan loudly but stopped herself. _Why was this so difficult to explain?_

 

“Look, that probably came out wrong, uhm…” There was perhaps one way to tell him but her heart jumped just by the thought. She tried to gain some courage as she looked at him.

 

“When I… kissed you, I trusted you not to hurt me.” His face was hard to read as she got his full attention – not even his hand moved a muscle as she stroke it tenderly.

 

“But that doesn’t mean that I’m not blind to the fact that you’re sharing your body with something very dangerous, right now. You might say that I have a healthy respect for that.” He might have turned a little red – she couldn’t really tell – but it was obvious that he weighed her words in his mind, and when he nodded this time it seemed to be in understanding.

 

“I’m glad you do – trust me, that is.”

 

“And I’m glad I kissed you.” It flew out of her and she inwardly cringed and mentally kicked herself for her lack of tact. However, his reaction was to huff out a dry laugh and scratched his neck as he confessed, “Well, I can only imagine how that might keep you awake.” The sarcasm was so thick it dripped from every syllable. Sam felt her back becoming straighter and unconsciously she tightened her hold on his hand.

 

“You’re more than your baggage, Josh. You’re more than those voices in your head and that wendigo curse _or whatever it is_.” Her voice was perhaps a little firmer than what was necessary but frustration towards the situation washed over her. It was like his mind was so full of weeds and whenever she had thought she had pulled up some of the most stubborn ones, she found even more roots. There was no way she could take on all of his troubles but she _damn well wouldn’t stay quiet either._

 

“Besides, you already proved how much you want to _be something else_. When you fight whatever whispers in your mind, you’re fighting to be _you_ again. I’m no therapist but I think that can be counted as pretty impressive progress.”

 

_Didn’t he know how much she admired him for simply breathing through all that hardship?_

“I really wish you’d give yourself more credit.”

 

“Even when you’re giving me so much of it?” She let out a low laugh that warmed her gut before she nodded. The arm behind her slowly started to play with some of her hair and she found herself wishing his hands would rub against her neck instead. She felt goose bumps rise on her skin at the thought.

 

“Sometimes I’m not even sure how you can be real.” Her curiosity was peaked and she tried to concentrate on his words instead of his close presence. His eyes seemed to travel light years away.

 

“I’ve known you for so long now. You remember that day when Hannah dragged you to our house, totally covered in mud because of the rain?” Sam smiled at the memory and nodded. She had tripped and Hannah had insisted that they took refuge from the downpour at her house because it was closer than Sam’s. It had been the first time she had ever been at the Washington’s.

 

“I can’t believe you remember that.” He smiled to himself.

 

“I remember a lot of things.” He remarked, “That specific memory is hard to forget. What were you – thirteen?”

 

“Something like that.” She replied. They both fell silent, the air heavy with spinning reflections and memories.

 

“It just seems like we’ve become different people since then.”

 

“We kinda have, yeah.” Sam agreed. Josh looked at her face like he wanted to say more but tried to talk himself out of it. Then he swallowed.

 

“That kiss…” he dragged the meaning and seemed like he didn’t really know how to end his sentence. Sam felt her face flush and she knew she probably wasn’t the only one.

 

“I just… don’t want to hold it against you, alright? You don’t need to feel obliged to do anything.” He continued and she looked back up at him, sharply.

 

“Please don’t talk about it like it was only you. We were both there, remember?” She tried to place a smile on his face but instead he shook his head and withdrew his hands from her before placing them restlessly on his knees. She immediately felt cold all over. He was pulling away from her again and slight alarm suddenly overwhelmed her. She turned towards him and wanted to catch his eyes before they escaped her for good.

 

“Josh, I came back for you because I felt like I owed it to you but I stayed because _I care about you_.” She implored. She was suddenly at a loss – the thought of him being all alone in his personal darkness was heart breaking and she had to remind herself that he sat _right there,_ across from her. “Please don’t shut me out – not again.”

 

He searched her eyes – for what she didn’t know – but she took his face in her hands and locked her lips to his.

 

She might have grasped him a little tighter than was wise but she felt like he was slipping through her fingers again. It would kill her if he lost himself to the dark they both knew lurked in the corners of his mind.

 

“Don’t…” she shook her head and whispered before returning to his lips once again. His smell was suddenly all around her and she felt like melting into his form as she opened to him. She needed to be closer to him – to crawl under his skin never to let him go again.

 

When she pulled away her heart was in her throat but his face was determinedly in her grasp – she didn’t even care about how her fingers might grip a little too harshly at his left cheek. He seemed to wiggle a little in her hands but she held him fast.

 

“What will it take for you to get it? That I _want_ to be here? That I _want_ to kiss you?” Her voice was a little louder than she intended – Chris sleeping in the other room almost forgotten. Josh was nailed in place but his parted lips didn’t let any words escape. Instead he moved in again and kissed her urgently. It felt like fire was slowly licking its way through her whole body, caressing her heart. Then he watered her with small and heartfelt pecks on her lips and her cheeks, then on her closed eyes and then his lips finally came to rest on her forehead.

 

“I want to be worth it, Sam – _you’ve no idea_.” Both his hands were locked on her neck as his lips lingered by her hair line. She sighed and clutched his shirt in her hands.

 

“But what?” His breath ghosted over her skin and she saw the bop of his Adam’s apple.

 

“But I’m not. Not yet, at least.” Slowly she pulled away from him but her fingers couldn’t altogether let go of him, so they settled at his long sleeves.

 

“It doesn’t work that way, Josh.” She tried to grasp the idea why someone in desperate need of love and affection would draw away from it like this. Sam had been lucky – she had known affection from the beginning – but Josh…? _Josh didn’t see what was right in front of him._

 

“It isn’t something you should earn – it’s something freely given.” She couldn’t place where she had first heard those exact words but a memory of her sad best friend was like crystal in her mind.

 

 _“Don’t change yourself for him, Hannah.”_ And the twin had seemed to take it to heart even though the crush on Mike hadn’t faded. And here Sam found herself yet again with a Washington, blurting out guidance even if she would never know if it actually took root. She could only try to water the seed.

 

He looked at her now, unsure.

 

“I don’t feel like I deserve it – any of it.” He glanced at the door to Chris’ room as well as sending her uncertain eyes. The last glow in the fireplace died out and Sam smiled sadly.

 

“Okay.” She nodded. “Okay.”

 

Calmly she started to untangle herself from the covers and there was more than a small piece of her that felt like curling into a ball on the couch with him but instead she went and kissed his forehead tenderly and left his hands hanging, as if lost, in the air, reaching for her without daring to.

 

Tonight had been a lot to swallow for them both and this time she didn’t want to scare him away. Recovery was a journey with no guarantied destination so she wouldn’t complicate it more than she had to. She managed to walk all the way around to her bedroom door before looking back at him. She could feel his eyes on her despite the dark.

 

“But that doesn’t mean that you don’t, you know.”

 

When she quietly closed the door behind her she fell on the bed and curled up like she would’ve if she had had Josh’s arm around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To me Sam is a strong character who would gladly carry the burdens of her loved ones if she could...  
> In my world, no one should fight depression alone.
> 
> Love it? Hate it? I'd love some feedback :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the kind attention! I feel so flattered and honored when people tell me how they enjoy this fic – especially when there are so many other fantastic fix-it fics out there. I’ve never really tried to contribute to a fandom before and this is the best first time anyone can have ;) Josh needs all the love he can get.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

Josh had been lying awake for a long time after Sam had returned to bed and he now knew how there were exactly thirty-nine visible grains in the wooden beam over the couch. He had counted it three times and still he wasn’t even close to being lulled back to sleep again. As well as robbing him of his rest, he was positive that the thought of Sam’s lips would one day take the last piece of sanity from him.

 

So he may have been _a tiny bit_ lethargic for when Chris suggested that they go for a walk after breakfast. _He wanted some fresh air,_ he had said and Josh was totally cool with spending some quality time with his best friend – _he really was_ – but he just found it _so difficult_ not to think of…

 

“So,” Chris took a big step over some fallen branches in the snow, “what was with the awkward staring at breakfast?”

 

Josh grimaced at the question. Last night he had worked his way through endless scenarios in his mind and among other things, he tried to find out how _the hell_ he was going to act around Sam. The last thing he wanted was to walk on egg shells around her but he didn’t really have a handbook in ‘ _How to act after an unresolved sexual tense situation’_ lying around.

 

Josh tried to bury his nose in the big scarf as he considered if coming clean about what had happened was a good idea. It felt strange to admit this mess of a situation to anyone – even though this _anyone_ was Chris. If he said it out loud then… then it would be _real_. Then it wouldn’t be just something that his mind had cooked up. _Not that that would be a first…_

”We… we kissed.”

 

“I _knew_ it.” One of Josh’s eyebrows skyrocketed by a triumphant Chris who quickly caught himself and cleared his throat, ”Well, I knew _something_ was going on, at least.” Josh growled lowly into his scarf. Of course it had been obvious – _what else had he expected with his sorry excuse for luck…?_ What he couldn’t come to terms with was how mortifying it would be if Sam had read him just as easily as Chris had seemed to. Hidden from view, he gingerly let his tongue run over his dry lips and it tugged at his heart to think about her soft ones.

 

“I don’t really know what that _something is,_ to be honest.” Josh couldn’t help but wonder. Sam was lovely – _she had always been lovely_ – so _why now?_ Couldn’t his feelings not just be a side-effect of having felt alone for so long and then suddenly been able to share it with someone? Maybe it was just some twisted attraction based on what was, in truth, his dependence on her? He bit at his lips with his still human teeth.

 

However, what truly sunk his ship was the thought of all that being true – from _her perspective_. How could Sam not be running and screaming from all his baggage…?

 

_She feels sorry for you…_

Josh couldn’t bear the thought that she’d only kissed him for his sake.

 

”Hey, bro, wherever you are right now, it doesn’t seem like a very nice place.” The sound of Chris’ voice pulled Josh back to earth.

 

“Sorry.” They passed a cluster of bushes and between the pine trees appeared a massive rock formation. Josh tried to look very interested in those specific rocks just to avoid what he knew lured right under the surface of the conversation.

 

The silence became louder and louder until Chris was practically bursting with his never-ending poking.

 

“So you _kissed_ -?”

 

“ _Let it go, Chris_.”

 

But he certainly had no intention of letting it go – instead he practically hopped out in front of Josh so that he was forced to meet his friend’s face. Chris’ voice wasn’t dangerously challenging – rather he was in a mood that Josh only knew too well, since he had always been in it himself when concerning Chris’ hopeless crush on Ashley. There was a certain glint in in his eyes which Josh definitely couldn’t handle right now. _If ever_ … _Never, preferably_ …

 

“I remember once upon a time-“

 

”Chris-”

 

”-when a certain Mr. Washington told me how much of _pussy I was_ for not acting on _my affections_ -”

 

” _Well,_ _Shakespeare_ , your circumstances were different.”

 

”Enlighten me.” Josh groaned in frustration.

 

”Well, for starters-” But the sentence wasn’t finished when in that moment Chris’ form suddenly jerked rather unnaturally, which after a loud crashing sound cut through the cold midday air. In a blink of an eye the blond had disappeared from Josh’s sight and what was left was a gaping hole in the ground. It ran for what would have been the final steps towards the rock formation and the ground around it didn’t seem disturbed at all.

 

“Chris! You okay?!” The first sign of life came in the shape of whining.

 

“ _Ow._ ” Chris complained lowly, “Well… I didn’t really need that rib anyway…” Josh let go of a sigh of relief before trying to spot a way down the hole. He estimated there to be around eight feet down but he could only really make out the small area that was touched by the sunlight behind him. Chris had fallen through what looked awfully a lot like deliberately placed branches and sticks – but it was hard to tell what the purpose was, especially because of the snow. Along the rocky edge of the hole there seemed to be several places that could be used as steps so there might be a way to climb back up that way.

 

“Don’t move, bro – I’m coming down.” Josh sat on the edge and jumped down. The impact got him tumbling a little but at least all of his ribs came out unharmed. Loudly he brushed his hands.

 

“Well, _some of us_ paid attention in gym.” Chris looked a little disheveled but Josh was relieved to see that his statement was rewarded with an unimpressed glare. Josh looked around and he could see much better now when the sunlight illuminated what looked like stone walls. A clammy feeling washed over him at his first association, though.

 

“It-“

 

“-looks like the mines.” Chris finished for him. They looked at each other and then at the narrow corridor that continued further into the dark. Josh swallowed a lump.

 

“You think it could be connected to those in the mountain?” Chris looked uncertain and replied, “I don’t know, man – maybe?” Then he took a few wearisome steps down the tunnel. Josh hesitated.

 

**_You feel at home…?_ **

****

His breathing started to come out trembling and his vision started to spin lightly. It felt as if his lungs filled with water and his chest turned heavy. He unconsciously reached for his left cheek and with his nails he gripped tightly at the skin just around the exposed flesh – he tried to concentrate on the sharp sensation it left on his face. _Maybe he could pull off the half grin as if it was a mask…? If only he found the edge…? Then maybe he could bury it down here in the dark where it belonged…_

**_Where you belong…_ **

****

_Breathe… breathe… Hey…_

“Hey, Josh!” Again Chris’ voice cut through the fog and Josh was violently pulled back to reality. Chris’ hands were on his arms and Josh could spot his own panicked expression in the reflection from Chris’ glasses.

 

“What happened? You look like you just saw a ghost.” Then it was as if something dawned on him and he looked suspiciously over his shoulder down the tunnel, “You didn’t, did you? Because if that shit turns out to be real too…” Had it only been a month ago, Josh would probably have taken the opportunity willingly… but to him pranks would never really be the same again. He tried to cover up his anxiety and readied a weak smile.

 

“It’s nothing, bro, I… I didn’t see anything.” Chris looked a little skeptical.

 

“Dude, you’re sweating."

 

Josh’s whole being screamed for him to run, to turn his back to this grave of a pit and forget the glimpses he saw of a past where his mind hadn’t been entirely his own. He shook his head lightly and slowly untangled himself from the hands of his friend as his own found the deep inside of his pockets. He clutched the lining tightly in his palms and tried to calm his rapid heart beat.

 

“I’m okay, really.” He wasn’t completely sure that he sold it because the blond still looked a little doubtful but… Josh couldn’t make himself _say it out loud_ … That the wendigo still made it through to his consciousness despite all of Josh’s struggles to keep the creature at bay. What people saw was only physical traces but in him a fight was still going on that no one could truly understand.

 

“If you say so.” Chris surrendered with a light frown before pointing over his shoulder into the darkness behind him.

 

“I think I found something cool, though.” Josh was thankful for the change of subject and he glanced past his friend with a small smirk to cover the last tracks of his unease.

 

“Not a ghost?” He teased and already felt a little lighter at heart when Chris snorted. Then he shook his head but replied with a wry smile, “Still something _very old_ , I think.”

 

When they both turned towards the tunnel and the light in their backs was slightly dimmed, Josh’s eyes got more used to the dark. It still took him a moment before he could see what Chris had been referring to, though.

 

“Is that-?”

 

“Cave paintings, yeah.” Then he conjured something from his pocket and it turned out to be his cell phone. Josh raised an eyebrow and elbowed his friend lightly.

 

“Any reception?”

 

“It’s for the light, egg-head.”

 

“Egg-head?” Josh couldn’t help but chuckle, “I think Ashley’s rubbing off on you.” But he didn’t follow up with more teasing because when the all-too-bright light from the screen of the device fell on the wall, Josh could really make out how dedicated the artist had been. The drawings began all the way down at the rocky floor and continued all the way up to the rounded edge of the ceiling. Dynamic shapes were used to capture whatever the artist had had in mind – especially an image of what seemed to be a very big cat caught Josh’s attention. On the wall it was depicted as being only slightly smaller than the tiny stickmen that surrounded the animal.

 

All kinds of sequences played out on the uneven surface of the wall and not all of them could be clearly interpreted, but Josh followed the white beam as in much of a trance as Chris seemed to be in. He wondered, though.

 

“They could be fake.” The light halted.

 

“I don’t think they are.”

 

Only now it occurred to Josh that Chris was no longer moving the light slowly across the wall but seemed to have it fixed on a certain spot.

 

“Why not?” Chris pointed the screen towards something a little higher up the wall and just above both their heads he could see rough lines forming what looked like mountain tops. However, it was what was painted above the mountains that made Josh’s heart skip a beat.

 

 _Wendigo._  

 

It wasn’t easy to see if you didn’t know what the monsters looked like but to both Josh and Chris there was no mistaking it. The drawings had very distinctive characteristics like round and empty eyes, long limbs, claws and fangs – all of it on something that resembled a human shape that would otherwise have looked a lot like the stickmen further down the wall.

 

Josh suddenly felt the same panicked sensation as when he had come down here to begin with. The drawings were simple but the big lifeless circles that represented eyes looked right through him. They _saw_ him and the primitively painted teeth seemed to laugh mockingly at him.

 

**_You’re one of them… one of us…_ **

****

The voice sounded all too much like Hannah’s.

****

This time he couldn’t ignore the desperate need to flee. He turned around towards the hole and its light – it felt as if the darkness tried to bind him, make him trip over his own feet. His steps became more and more insisting.

 

”Josh! Bro, _wait_ -!”

 

He didn’t even turn towards his friend when he cut him off, “I just wanna _leave,_ alright? This place gives me the creeps.” After only a few but long strikes he reached the wall that led up to the daylight and he started to climb up through the hole. He could almost taste the fresh air again – and although they had only been down there for about twenty minutes, it felt as if he hadn’t properly breathed for days.

 

When he stumbled over the edge he stood up too quickly and his head to started spinning. _Calm down, calm down, calm down… breathe…_ He desperately ripped off his scarf.

 

A moment went by before Chris’ blond head appeared behind him. He brushed off whatever dirt there might be on his pants which after he looked over at Josh.

 

”You can just tell me what’s going on, you know. You don’t have to be ashamed of it.” Josh folded his hands to rest on his head and felt utterly powerless. He wasn’t really sure what he wanted to shield himself from with his silence, _so why couldn’t he just freaking tell Chris what was going on?_

“I just… need some air. I think.” Chris nodded and gave him a small but reassuring smile as he held up his hands. “Whatever you need, bro.”

 

Josh listened to his own breathing and tried to focus his attention on how his lungs expanded when they filled with life-giving air.

 

_He won’t understand…_

_He won’t stay…_ He trembled like a leaf as he worked to get his heart more under control. _Not like Sam did…_

_Sam…_ Sam had stayed. _So maybe Chris will too…?_

“I guess it has something to do with…” Chris gestured to his own cheek and Josh caught the hint. He then chose to nod his answer as he lowered his arms. _Tiny steps but forward nonetheless…_

“You think…” Chris’ face shouted to Josh that he was reconsidering asking his question but then, with a determined expression, he finished, “You think there’s a cure or something?” Josh’ gaze lowered to the ground in defeat.

 

“Look, bro, I don’t think that-“ But Chris had already taken the last few strides towards him and practically threw his phone into Josh’s hands. On the small screen Josh could see pictures taken of the cave paintings with way too much flash and he couldn’t grasp what was…

 

Chris swiped the screen a couple of pictures further along the roll until he came to whatever he wanted to show Josh.

 

“See?” But still Josh couldn’t quite distinguish what he was supposed to.

 

“Uh…”

 

“Don’t you see those little guys at the foot of the mountains?” Chris pointed insistently at the image and at that moment Josh caught sight of said sequence.

 

“It totally looks like the thing is being reversed.” And… it actually _did._ A wendigo had been drawn along with some symbols and figures that Josh couldn’t decipher but it was as if the artist had attempted to draw the monster during some sort of transformation. Depending on the reading direction being the same today as it was back when it was drawn, it could be assumed that the monster… became smaller. Until it finally ended out in a stickman.

 

“There are also a few images of people turning _into_ wendigo but they all show the same thing – someone eating another person. This one is different.” The hairs on Josh’s neck rose at the turn of the conversation. He could only pray to Chris not acting upon his insatiable curiosity. _He was never that lucky, though._

“You, uh… ate someone, right? I mean, you need to feed on something human before the curse takes on…” Josh swallowed what felt like a rock as he kept his eyes locked on the phone – every other place than them meeting Chris’ eyes. A wave of disgust washed over him and he thought he might be sick.

 

**_You remember the taste…_ **

****

**_How there was nothing quite like it…_ **

 

“Forget it, man, you… you don’t have to tell me…” But Josh swallowed his self-loathing and replied, although he couldn’t make himself look at anything but emptily at the pictures. “He was already dead, though.”

 

“D-do you know who it was…?” _This was where it began – the fear, the nervousness around him._ He had a pretty good idea of Chris suspecting the object of the discussion as a particular individual but he couldn’t make himself finish that thought. There was no way he was going to put a face to _the someone_ whose person he had desecrated. He shrugged.

 

“To be honest, I don’t really remember much.” _Only the taste of growing rot that tempted him to take another bite… and then another…_

Chris looked very unsure of what to make of the horrific confession and Josh dreaded the natural reaction that would probably come next – if _natural_ was even a word that could be used in this kind situation. However, Chris hadn’t run off yet.

“Wauw, that’s… That’s pretty fucked up.” Josh snorted darkly and finally held out the phone to Chris.

 

“Tell me about it.” Chris just stood with the device in his hands as if he didn’t really know what to do with it.

 

“So… that pizza last night…?” Josh recalled the taste and flicked his tongue. Chris had brought the _meat-lover_ version after all…

 

“Still better than greens but…”

 

“Not the same.” Josh shook his head. It felt strange to talk about it this openly – especially when the last thing he wanted was to make Chris run for his life. He dared not think about how Sam would react if she knew the full extent to his murderous urgings. However, she had _seen_ more of it – Chris hadn’t. He had yet to witness Josh use every fiber in his body to resist himself.

 

“In the beginning, Sam…” He couldn’t keep his fidgeting hands still so he pushed them even further into his pockets as he fixated his attention on the foot print he left in the snow, “In the beginning, she always gave me raw meat because I wouldn’t eat anything else. Then eventually, she started cooking it so that I’d get used to the taste again.”

 

_But it’s not the same… not the same…_

**_Hungry…_ **

****

Josh then noticed a hand fall heavily on his shoulder. Chris’ gaze was steady and Josh stood as if nailed to the ground. His friend’s blue eyes were clear as glass – resolute.

 

“Okay. Let’s try and find out if there is a way to get rid of that spirit.” Then he turned and started walking back along the way they had come from – this time making sure to keep his distance to the rocks where the hole had appeared. Josh felt sort of dumbfounded before snapping out of it and catching up with his friend.

 

“And after that, I don’t want to hear any excuses as to why you and Sam shouldn’t share more smooches.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know my plot might not be the best written or most original in the history of plots, but this is the reason why I wanted to keep the setting at Blackwood x) So hopefully the story will move forward a little. I’ve structured most of the fic now, so fingers crossed that I somewhat know what I’m doing. 
> 
> This is sort of a messy chapter - Josh is a tiny bit overwhelmed at the moment, so please bear with him. 
> 
> More of Sam in the next chapter, I promise.
> 
> (Also, Chris is my favorite Chris)
> 
> I hope you’ll review and tell me what you think! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, I won't take too long between updates but I maybe it helps that this chapter is a big longer than usual.
> 
> This fic is going to be a lot longer than I first anticipated.
> 
> So... moving on.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Incredible how much could happen in a short amount of time. Sometimes an hour could feel like an eternity when you looked back on it, and every minute had seemingly been filled with new information – events unfolding. All these things – feelings, reflections and tiny actions – seemed to be stacked on top of each other until they formed a column of experiences, just to finally sway dangerously when the hour came to an end. Maybe it even tipped over.

 

It wasn’t enough that Sam had relived the butterflies in her stomach several times since the original experience – she had recalled those kisses she had shared with Josh more than once – of course there had to be some kind of icing on her pile of events, and it had come in the form of a whole new twist.

 

When Chris and Josh had almost fallen through the front door – perhaps Chris stumbled a little more than Josh – she was showered with eagerness and information which had been rather difficult to sort through.

 

_Caves, cave paintings and something with some pictures ...?_

 

They had sat down and Sam had been presented with evidence of the wild claims.

 

 _A... cure...?_ She had barely dared entertain the idea. Chris had spoken in an endless stream since they had returned but Josh had been disturbingly quiet. Most of all he had seemed quite uncomfortable as he had stared down the surface of the table. She hadn’t caught him stealing anymore glances at her like the ones she had at the rather tense breakfast situation.

 

Breakfast had been ... a challenge, to put it mildly.

 

Luckily, Chris had sort of relieved the awkward atmosphere with his seemingly oblivious mannerism. That guy could talk about _anything_ and small-talk actually came so natural to him, that Sam had almost been able to distract herself from the strange stir in her stomach when she had continuously caught Josh’s eyes on her. To his credit Josh had obviously been trying to be subtle. He had failed, though.

 

When Chris was showing her pictures on his phone, Sam hadn’t liked the way Josh seemed so detached from the conversation. It reminded her too much of the first weeks after she had returned for him, where his humanity was beginning to resurface and he had been trying to think through everything in silence and all by himself. In general, the jokes she had always been expecting from him had shrunk in number and his more thoughtful nature had emerged. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how all he had been through might set root in him – and now there might be a chance of a cure? Did she dare to hope ...? She didn’t know about the daring but her nature seemed to make the decision for her.

 

Then she had remembered the book – the handbook in which the Stranger had documented his discoveries about wendigoes… _Perhaps that could be of help?_ Chris had been a little skeptical at first because he had recalled a conversation with the man which indicated that that might not be the case when regarding a cure – the stranger had apparantly thought wendigoes incurable. _But it was worth a try, right?_ Last time anyone of them had seen the book it had been in Ashley’s hands.

 

The conversation had then taken a more practical turn and Chris had had some comments on how his researching would perhaps be a lot easier if he could only get online. Then Sam had seen her chance at informing about their shrinking amount of supplies – though Chris had brought a few necessities with him, it wouldn’t last long with three people under the same roof. There had been a few minutes with half-finished sentences and underlying suggestions which had eventually made Josh join the conversation.

 

_Would they like to go home ...?_

 

Sam and Chris had exchanged glances which Josh had easily interpreted. Sam had then been able to see how badly marred Josh actually was – he had had absolutely no positive expectations towards the aspect of returning home. Sam had then made a decision.

 

Josh had long believed that his parents would rather not have anything to do with his shit. _She couldn’t possibly know if that was true._

 

Since his sisters’ disappearance, he had been left to his own devices and his parents just wanted to distance themselves from their son because he reminded them of their missing daughters. _She didn’t know if that was true either._

 

On top of that, he had thought his parents wouldn’t even show up in person after the accident on the mountain – not even to see their last surviving child. _This wasn’t true._

 

So Sam told him.

 

Josh hadn’t said a word. Then he mumbled an objection and another followed suit. Eventually, Sam was overwhelmed with all the specific situations where Josh’s parents hadn’t been there for him – it was clear as day that he had felt let down at more than one occasion.

 

To Josh, his relationship with his parents was much more complicated than Sam had realized. _Why fail to become closer to your parents when you could be successful in pushing them away...?_

 

But she had been firm in her conviction. She had spoken to his parents before coming here and even on the phone after that and to her, there was no doubt that Josh was wanted at home. Chris had backed her up at that. They had financed the much needed medication, which Sam had brought with her to the mountain, and both Chris’ ticket to the cabin as well as the rent had been paid by the Washington’s to try and compensate for their lack of presence.

 

But it had only been because Sam had made them reconsider their trip up here.

 

_He shouldn’t be faced with more guilt than necessary._

 

Josh had been furious – not as in ‘steam out of the ears’ or ‘face turning tomato red’ – but rather in the stagnant and deadly way. Sam hadn’t taken it personal, however. She had made a decision at the time because it had felt right. Now it was time to decide what to do next.

 

Josh's anger had slowly been replaced with exhaustion and with a defeated sigh he had made the final decision.

 

So home it was.

 

<0><0><0>

 

So here they were. The cabin had been checked all over for any forgotten things and the few belongings that were worth taking back home were packed. Sam had brought just one backpack with her and Josh had borrowed various things and necessities from the rangers on the station. They had had a few _extras_ of everything but what Josh chose to bring with him was less than Sam's luggage.

 

While Chris and she had finished packing, she spotted Josh leaving the cabin without a word. Under his arm he held a crumpled pile of what seemed like clothes but only when she recognized a buckle from the infamous overalls she guessed what he was probably doing. She had no idea whether he had found a shovel anywhere in the house – the ground was probably too frozen to dig in anyway – but she could understand why the terrible costume wouldn’t be brought home with them. Frankly speaking, she had forgotten all about it and she was surprised that Josh hadn’t done anything about the clothes earlier.

 

They couldn’t leave behind all aspects from the mountain but it was reassuring for Sam to see Josh trying.

 

They had arranged to be picked up by helicopter after which they would be able to get on a bus – they had some long hours in front of them, though. There had probably not been a lot of volunteers ready for the job of the pilot but the flight had been pretty uneventful. They had mostly sat in silence which had given Sam an opportunity to steal some glances at Josh. They had covered his cheek with some bandages they had found in the cabin, and even though it didn’t cover the fact that something was definitely wrong with his face, at least it was better to look like a plastic surgery gone wrong than something taken straight out of a haunted house. The thoughts were loud behind his distant gaze as he looked out the tiny window and down on the forest under them, leaving it behind, hopefully for the last time.

 

However, it was only when they had to get on the bus that she truly sensed his unease. They had purchased their tickets which after they had placed their luggage in its rightful place on the shelves above their heads. They chose some seats further down the bus but there was honestly plenty of seats to choose from. The only other passenger on the bus was an older gentleman who was snoring gently as he leaned against the window and a red haired woman with her young daughter. Sam suddenly had a flashback from the time she had sat in this very same bus on the way to a weekend getaway with friends... But she wasn’t lost in the almost bizarre memory for very long before Chris' voice pulled her out of her musings.

 

"-and it's really great, actually. You might not suspect it because it IS netflix after all but IMDB has rated it to an 8 or something." Sam smiled to herself as she listened to the boys' conversation that happened to be one of Josh's favorites. "So if you're not looking forward to much else then look forward to a movie marathon." Josh smiled which bothered the pale bandage over his cheek slightly but he didn’t mind it, and he took off his hat as Chris sat down next to him.

 

"Well, I for one, still can't believe that you haven't watched _Inception_ yet, so-"

 

"Well it's not like DiCaprio won an award for it." Josh looked like someone who had just been splashed with a bucket full of ice cold water – which might have been justified since said film had been somewhat a success when it came out. Either that, or Josh had a strong opinion about DiCaprio's lack of recognition...

 

Sam enjoyed listening to Josh when he talked about movies. It was like looking through a chink in a door and she could catch a glimpse of all the passion he had for the media profession. It was somewhat a rare treat to see him as he was now, relaxing in a discussion with his best friend.

 

The bus had stopped a few times to pick up passengers but there were few and far in between each bus stop. However, even if the guys didn’t notice, she caught sight of a rather small passenger approaching their seats.

 

Sam had seen many of those videos online where a cat would silently come closer to the camera every time the lens glanced away. This situation was very much like that and the corner of her mouth rose slowly. She tried to go unseen but she had wild red hair which kind of worked against that plan, even in the cover of the shabby seat rows. Finally, Sam could make out a pair of big blue eyes that appeared just above the seats in front of Chris and Josh. At first they didn’t notice the curious gaze, not until their otherwise immersed conversation was interrupted by a light lisping voice.

 

"What's wrong with your face?" Josh and Chris immediately turned their attention to the little girl which, in their opinion, had simply just magically manifested herself out of thin air. The child now leaned on her elbows over the seats and her freckled face portrayed that the straightforward question hadn’t been ill-intended. Josh looked a little surprised and when a response didn’t rear its face Sam chose to step in.

 

”He’s been in an accident that cut his cheek.” Josh sent her a look of appreciation after which he turned to the child as he pointed to his cheek and with a smile he continued where Sam had left off, "It's true. I look like the Joker from Batman."

 

The little girl's eyes could have rolled out of their sockets and her amazed expression only made Josh's smile grow larger.

 

"Can I see? _Please?_ " Josh licked what was visible of his lips as he let a hand adjust the dressing by the edges. He shook his head.

 

"Sorry, kiddo – it's still pretty fresh. Wouldn’t want blood all over the seats now, would we?" The big questioning eyes still roamed over her face though, and although Sam was pleased to see that he wasn’t completely blanking on the child – which she had apologetically expected, honestly – she tried anyways to make the kid focus her attention on something else.

 

"What's your name?" She asked then and the girl grinned to reveal that her light lisp was caused by her two missing front teeth.

 

"Lila."

 

Sam smiled as she gestured to the girl and commented, ”It’s quite the smile you’ve got there yourself, Lila.” The wide grin grew even larger as she proudly pointed to her missing teeth.

 

"I have one more that's going two fall out soon." She found a loose tooth in the corner of her mouth which she rocked a little but at that exact moment the bus came to a halt rather abruptly. Lila’s head slammed against the seat she was leaning against. The impact hadn’t been so hard that she fell off the seat but when she finally seemed to register what had just happened, tears started to gather in her light eyes. Sam was there in a heart beat and instantly she put a protective arm around the slender shoulders. Nothing serious seemed to have happened, luckily. _She just had a fright._

 

"Hey there," she soothed when the girl started to snuffle while her small hands still covered her mouth and nose, "Nothing happened – you're alright, I promise."

 

"It hurt ..." she whimpered through her palms.

 

"I know, sweetie – let me see." The girl removed her hands and Sam confirmed that nothing dramatic had happened but _there was still something..._

 

"I think your tooth fell out," she revealed and the girl's wet eyes widened.

 

"We'll have two find it! Or else the tooth fairy won’t come!" But before Sam could say anything else, the small tooth was presented to them, stained with the slightest bit of blood. Chris smirked mischievously.

 

"We can’t have the tooth fairy all confused, right?"

 

"My tooth!" The girl squealed loudly and took the tooth in her hands after which she studied it, as if she was unsure whether it was actually her own or not. Sam smiled gratefully at Chris but then turned her eyes to Josh. He was incredibly pale and he was fidgeting with his hands. Sam felt the alarm in the back of her mind.

 

"Chris, why don’t you walk Lila back to her mom?"

 

For a moment he seemed a little put off but then his blue gaze followed Sam’s to his best friend, and how those green eyes couldn’t really free themselves from the tiny tooth in Lila’s hands. Then blond eyebrows shot in the air and Chris stood up rather quickly.

 

"Sure thing! Come with me, Toothless." He worked fast, taking the kid and the bloody tooth with him to the seats closer to the front of the bus but Josh's gaze followed them both quite intensely down the aisle.

 

"Hey Josh." Sam didn’t have a clear strategy ready but so far it had worked with just talking to him when he got like this – help him return to earth somehow.

 

"It was just a little blood but it's gone now, alright? Breathe." And he did as soon as she asked it of him – as if he hadn’t been able to properly do it before that. He rubbed his eyes and muttered between his fingers.

 

"Sorry."

 

"It's okay."

 

"I try not to... you know." She sat down on the seat where Chris had been sitting. His eyes flickered a little before they dared to meet hers.

 

"It's hard," he admitted and his slightly strained tone made her reach for him – _she couldn’t help it_. She grabbed his hand and for a moment it seemed that he was close to pulling away before he reconsidered. For that Sam was relieved since it hadn’t been more of a decision of hers rather than a reflex... She swiftly returned to the conversation before she had time to think about how his hand was cold in hers and how much she wanted to warm it in her own.

 

"So you're not going to be a dentist – big deal." He laughed a little at that comment and Sam was pleased to see that her comforting words seemed to have at least a small effect on him.

 

”Well, perhaps fake blood in horror movies are going to be easier to handle.” Sam laughed a little too and pulled a casual shrug, ”Unless you get episodes from ketchup or jam, I think you’re pretty much safe there, yeah.”

 

Then they both suddenly overheard what could only be a frightened eruption from Lila’s mother when she laid eyes on her daughter’s now even more toothless grin. Josh and Sam exchanged knowing glances and she felt a little sorry for poor Chris, who had been put in quite the difficult position. From what she could actually see of Chris' face from where she sat, she concluded that he was probably thinking along the same lines.

                              

That was when Josh's fingers now tightened hesitantly around her hand and Sam would never admit to the way her breathing shivered shortly.

 

"But you seem to be getting better at controlling yourself, though. Training come in handy?" She tried not to sound nervous but the words had only been spoken to fill in the unsaid space between them, which in a few days had become dangerously smaller and inevitable to notice. Josh huffed but smiled, although it looked like he wouldn’t entirely let himself.

 

"I had the best coach, really." He squeezed her hand lightly and when their eyes met, her heart skipped a beat. She smiled and in the next moment it was as if the surroundings faded out. She could no longer focus on the humming sound of the bus engine or feel the tension about the inevitable destination of their return home.

 

_How could eyes be light and dark at the same time...?_

 

“Well, Sam, you handled that quite nicely, I might say. I’m surprised she didn’t start crying with her tooth an’ all.” As Sam and Josh heard Chris' return to their seats there were no reservations about quickly pulling back their hands. Sam tried to focus on what Chris had just said but she could have sworn that she could still feel Josh's skin under her fingers – _not distracting at all..._

 

“I, uh… I have four smaller cousins so I've sorta had practice." She let a hand run through her hair. Chris replaced her on the seat and before she knew it, a conversation much like the one earlier was stirred again. She pretended to take a nap just to go over her thoughts in peace. This time, she had difficulty keeping her attention on the content of the conversation but... Josh's voice was disconcertingly distracting.

 

_Well shit..._

_She had it bad._

 

<0><0><0>

 

The rest of the trip was, fortunately, quite uneventful but if Sam had thought that Josh had been somewhat restless when they had left the cabin, it was nothing compared to now. She had exchanged several glances with Chris quite a few times throughout long hours and both had tried to distract him with numerous activities or conversation topics – they had played all the car games Sam had ever played as a kid and more so. Chris had been desperate enough as to suggest that they buy him a coloring book at the next bus station. It was down-voted though.

 

Josh tried to hide his nervousness – and he would actually have done a rather good job had it only not been from his closest friends. In fact, he had seemed rather chirpy most of the trip, almost buzzing with energy. At first, Sam had assumed that his behavior had been an actual positive shift in mood but the more energized he seemed to become, the more his inner turmoil became visible. Sam had been sure that he would have started to crawl on the walls of the bus at any moment then.

 

That was until they entered the first neighborhood they recognized. As Sam began to spot more familiar houses and streets, Josh became worryingly quiet the next moment – a bit like when the air slowly leaves a balloon.

 

When they finally got off the bus they found themselves just around the corner of the Washington home and at that time he hadn’t said a single word in about an hour. It was getting late so the streetlights had been lit, but although their yellow glow threw off plenty of light on the sidewalk, they only seemed to envelop Josh's face in shadows. When the right house came into view, he stopped abruptly while he fidgeted from one foot to the other. The house was enormous compared to anything Sam had ever lived in but right now _luxurious_ wasn’t exactly the word she would use to describe it. _Intimidating, more like it..._

 

"I don’t know if I can do this." He then admitted and his stare didn’t leave the sidewalk under him. Sam looked to Chris who shrugged on one shoulder with a saddened expression as he turned to Josh.

 

”Remember what I told you – they know that you were just as much a victim as we were that night.” He explained as he tried to make Josh look at him, ”What they know is that it was that man who blew up the lodge. You sort of… _freaked_ , because of the whole situation and-”

 

”-I needed time to become stable before coming home – yeah, you said." He finally looked up but it wasn’t a reassured gaze that met them, "But what if they don’t want me back? What if-"

 

" _They do_ , Josh."

 

Now it was Sam's turn to speak up. They had come this far and there were not many steps left before they would stand by the right front door. Sam wasn’t going to give up. He was so close and _he needed to see with his own eyes..._ "They _want_ you back. They were very worried about you and it's my fault that you didn’t know that sooner, alright?"

 

Josh nodded and gulped as he looked up at the deterrent structure again. Then he took the first step towards the porch.

 

Now all three stood in front of the entrance in silence – Chris and Sam pending Josh’s next move. Which turned out to be ringing the door bell. The sound made Sam's heart beat a little faster while Josh seemed ready to jump over the railing and back into the night.

 

There was a moment which after Sam could hear light footsteps on the other side. When the door opened, it was at a slightly cautious pace as the figure on the other side revealed who was ringing door bells at this late hour. Long brown hair fell like curtains over one side of her face while green eyes, much like Josh’s, took a moment to register who stood on the other side of the threshold.

 

"Hey, mom."

 

The door flew open and the little woman immediately grabbed Josh by the neck to tightly enfold his face in her arms. Josh seemed a bit baffled for a moment before he returned the embrace by encircling his small parent in his own. When Melinda Washington's face reappeared, she was teary-eyed and her lips were convulsed in a grateful grimace. She held Josh's face in her hands like she couldn’t believe he was actually there. She seemed to be very careful as to not agitate the dressing on Josh's cheek and Sam was glad that she had mentioned his "accident" on the mountain. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be bombarded with questions before a more appropriate time.

 

She held her son’s larger hand in hers and led him into the hall while her tearful, crispy voice echoed into the house, " _Bob?!_ "

 

Bob Washington appeared in the doorway to the living room and as he caught sight of his son, he took the square eyeglasses from his forehead to rightfully place them on his nose. Josh still had his mother's hand in his while he waited for his father's reaction. Then it looked just as if Mr. Washington's shoulders released an invisible burden as he turned to his son. Next, he took the few final steps in Josh's direction and embraced him. Josh’s hands hang helplessly loose by his sides.

 

"Welcome home, son." His dad’s deep voice could be heard as he drew back from the hug and Sam now saw how Josh seemed to crumple before them. Sam couldn’t quite make out if her heart was laughing or crying from silent joy.

 

"I'm so sorry..." The apology slipped from him but his mother was there before he could say anything more.

 

"No,” she insisted, “we're the ones who should be sorry, Joshua." Then she hugged him once again and finally turned her attention towards Chris and Sam, who had mostly felt like intruders in this private situation. Sam felt her cheeks turn a little pink by the sudden attention but she didn’t get to feel unwelcome because Mrs. Washington got to them in the doorway, took hold of Sam's hands and squeezed them tightly.

 

"Thank you. Thank you for looking after him," she whispered and now the tears were leaking. Sam could feel her heart grow to double the size. She smiled at Josh's mother and gave her hand a light squeeze in return before she withdrew them.

 

"We should probably go," Sam then said while she adjusted the straps on her backpack to do something with her hands, "Our parents are probably wondering about us as well."

 

"Of course." Replied Mr. Washington before he went over to the hanger by the door and put on a dark coat. "I'll give you a ride home."

 

Sam considered objecting since she didn’t want to disturb the family reunion more than absolutely necessary but Mr. Washington's tone was not to be denied.

 

Her gaze then turned to Josh, who looked like he was going to have a minor panic attack by the way his haunted eyes kept going from her to Chris. She quickly held up her hands in what she hoped was signaling that he would have nothing to fear.

 

"We'll be back tomorrow, Josh, I promise. Don’t worry."

 

"Yeah, you need to strain yourself more if you want to get rid of us, you know." Chris' uplifting grin seemed to have a soothing effect on Josh and he nodded reassuringly to himself. Then he held up a hand in a half-hearted wave while smiling with an underlying unease.

 

"I'll… see you tomorrow then." Sam only got to give him one last smile before the door was closed behind them by Mr. Washington who then pointed them in the direction of a dark-colored Hummer. Chris and Sam sat down, both in the backseat, and after they fastened their seatbelts they faced the front seats to see Mr. Washington glancing over his shoulder.

 

"We'll do better this time," he said firmly and turned on the engine which woke with a pleasant hum, "I promise you that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These last scenes meant a lot to me and I was very much looking forward to writing them. Josh's parents definitely have some things to make up for but I believe they love their son.
> 
> I hope you'll review and tell me what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> New chapter.
> 
> I've been very busy with exams and personal stuff so there might not be much energy to update frequently but I DO INTEND TO FINISH IT SO DON'T WORRY!!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Mike weighed one tub of gel in his hand while he read the declaration for the third time on the other. Both were muscle relaxant gel and there was no great difference in regards to price but he couldn’t _freaking_ remember which one Jess had asked for and in the huge aisle of medical paraphernalia, he had to admit that the task had turned out to be not quite as simple as he had originally thought. _Perhaps he should call her and check...?_ No, that was probably not a good idea - she used to take a nap around this time and he wouldn’t come between her and the bit of quiet she could possibly get. Her body was still healing and she really needed her rest. Moreover, her sleep was almost as exhausting as when she was awake - her mind was recovering as well. He knew how that felt like.

 

Finally, he chose the tub which was a bit more expensive - it had a pink screw cap after all and that was probably what ultimately made his decision.

 

When he sat in the car and the engine purred under his hands on the wheel, he reached for the hand brake to ready the beast. His parents had insisted on upgrading his ride when he had come home beaten and broken but in _almost_ one piece. His gaze shortly rested on the missing fingers on his right hand. His control of the gearstick had needed a short adjustment period and at least he didn’t need his giant keychain anymore. Jess had laughed when he had shown her the large purple and glittery rubber braid which would have fitted a unicorn much better than his car keys. Jess had put it in his keys for him and he quickly learned not to fumble with them.

 

Before he knew it, he had parked the car at Jess parents' house. It was clearly a more modest home than what he had been brought up in but Mike didn’t need a swimming pool to feel at home. Especially after they had returned from Blackwood, he was beginning to appreciate what he actually _did_ have instead of what might be missing.

 

However, if given the choice, he would probably still keep the new car, _thank you._

It was Jess’ mom who answered the door and she smiled warmly when she saw who was waiting on the other side. Her eyes were covered in dark heavy eye shadow and her blonde hair had been put up with enough hairspray to pull at Mike’s nostrils. Jess had told him how her mom had always been very dedicated to her looks but Mike didn’t have the impression of it being at the expense of the care of her bedridden daughter.

 

“She’s upstairs.” Mike nodded even though he knew that – Jess hadn’t been able to move freely around the house yet – but gradually the routine had become him being welcomed into the house this way.

 

If he had ever been in doubt of which bedroom was Jess’, the assurance could be found in the colorful homemade sign made of pearls that spelled _JESSICA_ with screaming block letters. Jess had told him how she had always been sort of sentimental with childhood memories. Mike smiled to himself when he lightly knocked on the door before entering.

 

”Are you the one who ordered _Handsome-with-muscle-relaxing-gel-on-the-side_?” Jess turned to look at him and her face lit up in a way that made Mike’s smile grow even bigger.

 

“Why? Are you the delivery guy?” Mike chuckled and sat by the edge of the bed where Jess had already made room for him. The effort it obviously took her to move around became less and less visible every day and Mike rested more easily knowing, that her body was recovering after all – not that her former bruising had left anything to the imagination. Mike reached out a hand and stroked a lock of her hair away from her face and she smiled at him in that certain way that melted away his tension.

 

“How was your nap?” He asked because that was what he always did when he came in the afternoon and every time he wished for the same answer.

 

“Today was a good day. I dreamt I was out jogging if you can believe it.” So today was a day where the little stone that had become chained to his heart fell from his chest and he could breathe a little more freely. Until next time.

 

They just sat and told each other about their day – Mike told her about the dilemma down at the store when he had to choose which gel to buy and Jess told him about the soap opera she had watched just before taking her nap and the whole conversation was so _goddamn domestic_  that Mike would have run away screaming just a month before. Now the truth was that he _loved_ listening to Jess when she talked about things that drew out laughs from her and if countless reruns of _Days of Our Lives_ was what got the job done then Mike had no intention of backing out.

 

He remembered far too clearly how Jess’ broken form had been kept standing up with sheer will power alone, when she _should have been dead…_ When Mike had first been reunited with her after the explosion, it had been Matt who had kept him from embracing her and had insisted that she wouldn’t be able to live through a very physical expression of her boyfriend’s relief to see her alive. Even when she had been examined by a medic at the rangers station he hadn’t been keen to have her out of his sight. Sam had kept him occupied until he was allowed to go visit.

 

”-and I can’t believe how there can’t be a wedding without anything crazy happening!” Mike laughed and shook his head.

 

“There something about evil twins yet?” Jess actually looked a little contemplating at that moment before she replied, “I _think_ they’ve made some hints but maybe there’s-“

 

Mike felt the vibration before he heard the text message ringing from his cell but he didn’t make a move to see who it was. Jess rolled her eyes.

 

“Mike, we’ve talked about this.”

 

“I’m not in a hurry,” he insisted and held up his hands.

 

“ _I know_ but you can check your freaking phone like a normal human being, alright? It's not like you haven't perfected the _attentive boyfriend_ already.” She blinked at him and when he conjured his cell phone from his pocket, Jess looked over his shoulder to see Chris’ name written on the screen. The text contained what Mike could only decipher as an insisting invitation to a house visit as soon as he was available. Chris was usually a smiley-person with a big S and Mike didn’t like how there was no trace of a single semi-colon or _stuck-out-tongue-P_ through the whole text.

 

“He sounds urgent.” Mike frowned.

 

“You can go now if you want to.” Jess suggested and Mike’s eyebrows shot up.

 

“You sure?” She shrugged casually and played with a lock that had escaped her ponytail. She sent him a playful smile and looked to the tub Mike had placed on her nightstand.

 

“I’ve got my gel to keep me occupied. Besides, the doctor wanted me to call and check in today anyway so I might as well do that while you’re gone.” Mike nodded in agreement and stood up after which he handed her the gel before stealing a kiss from her soft lips.

 

“Perhaps I’ll help you with it when I get back?” She laughed and behind the slight fatigue he saw a glimpse of the girl he knew before that horrible night.

 

<O><O><O>

 

Chris and his parents didn’t live far from Jess’ neighborhood and Mike found himself knocking on his friend’s front door within twenty minutes. It was Chris who answered the door but that really wasn’t what had Mike starring strangely at his friend's face. The blond hair was in a disarray, the glasses really needed a good shining-up and the over sized _Star Wars_ t-shirt topped the look that said _I’ve just rolled out of bed._ At four in the afternoon…

 

“You’ve got jelly on your face.” Chris was unfazed.

 

“Nice to see you too, buddy.” He slid aside to let in his visitor and it wasn’t until then he dried off the sticky leftovers on his cheek with his short sleeve.

 

“Man, you look like shit.” Chris snorted and shrugged.

 

“Why, thank you – I heard it’s in fashion.” Mike was then led to Chris’ room which reminded him way more of a cave at the moment and it was clear how the computer had been the center of Chris’ late activities. A keyboard was presumably hidden under all the empty bags of snacks that filled the desk. Chris was known to over-do it when he got a little too comfortable in front of a computer screen but Mike had never witnessed it first hand like this.

 

“School work?” He asked and Chris let a hand through his spiky hair as he rummaged for something on his drowned desk.

 

“Not exactly. I… uh…” He hesitated a moment until he found what he was looking for which turned out to be a pile of printed paper with weird drawings on them that Mike didn't recognize. He pointed out of the room for his friend to follow him into the living room and Mike was silently relieved that they didn’t stay in the messy bedroom.

 

“My parents won’t be home until Sunday so we won’t be disturbed.” Mike didn’t get to ask what on earth his parents wouldn’t be home to _not disturb_ but then the doorbell rang before he could say anything.

 

In came Matt and Emily, and Mike could immediately feel how the atmosphere became thick enough that you could cut it with a dull knife. Emily was constantly at an arm's length from Matt, even though Mike could see that Matt faltered slightly under her cold gaze. Mike knew all about Emily’s infamous icy glance – it had been used on him more than once but this time it was different. Matt had left her in the mines, she had told Mike. She had been all alone down there, abandoned by her boyfriend.

 

And Mike himself hadn’t been much better.

 

He had been close to taking her life.

 

They had talked about it after they’d returned home and when they've had a few days to recover but, as was the theme for all of them, the physical healing turned out to be much faster than the emotional. He had apologized and the guilt that had eaten him up inside became a tiny bit lighter when she accepted the apology. She wouldn’t talk about it, however. In fact, he had no idea whether she had even confided in anyone about that night – not that her cold surface invited to heart felt talks and hand holding – but he knew she had begun talking to Jess again, which warmed Mike more than he would admit Nevertheless, he could still remember all too clearly how close he had been to act blindly in his fear.

 

He could still feel the metallic surface of the trigger caress his fingertips, tempting him to act.

 

“So… Why are we here, Chris?” It was Matt who first cut through the awkward silence which hung like a thick blanket over their heads. Chris straightened his glasses as he looked up and he suddenly looked much older than he was.

 

"Josh... Josh is back in town." He revealed and Mike felt as if a bucket of ice water had been thrown in his face. _Josh...?_ Mike's eyes fell on the others and both Matt's and Emily's eyes flickered just as restlessly as his own.

 

"Wow... okay. So, uh... how is he?" Matt then asked and thrust his hands into his pockets in shortage of better use for them. Chris tried to polish his glasses in the tattered t-shirt, and Mike sensed a storm was on the way.

 

"Well... I won’t lie – he could’ve been better."

 

"Sam was with him when they found him, right? She's been with him ‘til now?" It was Emily's turn to continue the interregation and Chris nodded and returned the glasses to the bridge of his nose.

 

Mike swallowed a lump as he could hear the distant cries for help while Josh had been dragged back into the mines by... by Hannah. When he slept he was often haunted by the times at which he had almost failed the others that night but Josh's horror would forever echo in his head. He couldn’t even find relief when he was awake. Only shame.

 

"Yeah, she was. I went up there myself a few days ago and we decided that it might’ve been time for him to come home.” All three were silent as each of them swallowed what it was Chris was telling them. Of course Mike knew that Josh would return home sooner or later. After he heard about their friend's survival on the mountain he had been overwhelmed by  an unimaginable relief but as fate would have it the guilt hadn't been quenched - only taken a different shape…

 

_He could have saved him... He could have **tried** …!_

 

Josh was alive but it was not thanks to Mike, that much was certain. Mike felt a heavy sensation in his chest that could only be translated into a need to apologize – to make amends – but that wasn’t meant for this audience, obvoiusly.

 

"He ... he started to turn into one of them. I've been searching online for almost two days in a row now and I've been looking up everything that might possibly be connected to- "

 

" _What?_ " Emily's voice interrupted Chris, who now cut out a sad grimace of having to explain the situation. He had probably fed a secret hope that he would be able to casually skip this part but that wasn't the case. Emily was a bit more quick-minded than that.

 

"He... he turned into _a wendigo?_ " Mike felt the blood drain from his face and dizziness caused him to revisit all the beasts he had shot that night. Every single one.

 

"H-how is that even possible?!" Matt's voice perfectly reflected the terror Mike felt in his guts and his friend's hands writhed in their pockets. Then Matt's eyes got big as if something terrible just dawned on him and Mike _tried not to think about it..._  

 

"Did he eat-?”

 

"It doesn’t matter." Once again, Mike was surprised to see the mature determination that appeared in Chris' blue eyes, and was then further confirmed that he himself wasn't the only one that had changed after their night at Blackwood. "What matters is, that there’s still hope for him too get back to normal. That's why I wanted to talk to you. I need to know if you found some clues on the mountain." Mike frowned. 

 

"Clues?"

 

His thoughts had difficulty wrapping around all this new information at once when he in his mind's eye watched a horrible slide show with all the things he had seen since he had been separated from the others that night - anything that could lead them towards something that could resemble a cure. And most of all, he tried to do this without thinking of Josh with long limbs and screeching cries. Unconciously, Mike's hands pulled an invisible trigger.

 

"I'm sorry, Chris, I don’t think I found anything." Chris' face fell and Mike's sighed, "I mean, I saw how they tried to experiment on the miners that began turning but I don’t think anything came out of it. If there is a cure, I don’t think they found it at the sanatorium." Chris' shoulders dropped heavily and he sighed as he took off his glasses and rubbed his face.

 

"I didn’t see anything either - I was sort of busy staying alive an 'all." Emily admitted and Matt nodded in acknowledgement. There seemed to be a common sigh between Mike, Matt and Chris but they were not allowed to ruminate for long until Emily spoke with a wavering tone that revealed her unease. She stood with arms crossed and her back was so straight it might break her in half. Her attitude screamed the same desire to run as Mike felt but equally a desperation to hide it.

 

"What about Ashley? Doesn’t she still have that notebook?" Chris' face seemed to let some hope seep through the cracks.

 

"Yeah, Sam mentioned it and I-"

 

"I have it."

 

Suddenly Ashley appeared from the hallway and fidgeted back and forth on her feet while she looked a little uncertain between all of them. Then she pointed over the shoulder as she sent Chris an apologetic look, "Sorry. I let myself in."

 

Chris certainly didn’t seem to mind and he only waved his girlfriend closer but she didn’t lean into him in a way that would’ve been completely natural to Mike and Jess for instance. However, Mike knew that these two knuckleheads’ relationship was the only silver lining to what had occurred at Blackwood.

 

Ashley looked down as she seemed to intensely observe her hands as if their stretches and bends were the ever most fascinating thing in the world. 

 

"I have... I have it in a box at home." She admitted, "So... it's for Josh?"

 

Chris nodded without questioning how much his girlfriend knew about what had been discussed before she arrived. The redhead bit here lip indecisively. Chris put a tentative hand on her shoulder which seemed to calm her a little but her tension had only been reduced to the same stiffness as a board.

 

"He needs our help, Ash." All eyes rested on her. She was one of them who had suffered the most under the pressure they'd been put under that night. Mike had gotten the full story from Chris after they’d come home and it had been clear to Mike that Jess' nightmares had been a walk in the park compared to Ashley's. Her green eyes were just as haunted as when they had been picked up by the helicopter to safety.

 

"I haven’t forgiven him, you know."

 

Neither Matt, Emily nor Mike ventured an argument against that statement. Josh had fucked up gloriously with his solution to his problems. Chris hesitated too but then caught Ashley's gaze as he said, "I get that, Ash, I do but-"

 

"I'll find it." Chris' attempt at convincing her died on his lips.

 

"You-You will...?" She nodded and pulled her hat further down her ears - it was a dark blue hue today.

 

"But I don’t think I can see him yet. Not if he's..." She swallowed thickly and Mike seemed to understand what she meant and Chris certainly did. He put an arm around Ashley's shoulders and she seemed to shrink in his embrace.

 

"He is a bit scary-looking at the moment. Hopefully it'll help if he gets rid of the curse." Mike felt goose bumps rise on the back of his head and he tried to rationalize to himself how no one was breathing down his neck. He raised a hand to cover the exposed area and the feeling was then easier to ignore. He dared not even think of Josh with his mouth full of needle-sharp teeth.

 

Matt finally withdrew his hands from his jacket and clapped his hands in finality, "So, you think we can get it over with before school on Monday?"

 

Chris’ face lit up in what looked an awful lot like hope and he parted his lips to speak but Ashley beat him to it. 

 

”But first things first.” She slid away from her boyfriend’s grip and waved a hand in front of her face for emphasizing, “You really need a bath, Chris.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> Mike is an interesting character to me and I imagine him going through some pretty tough shit himself.
> 
> Also, Chris is the best bro but he needs to shower in between his bro'ing.
> 
> Please review and tell me what you think :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here goes. 
> 
> I've been through a rather difficult winter but I still intent to finish this story, no matter the pace. There's only a few chapters left and I wanT THEM ALL TO BE HAPPY, REALLY, I DO.
> 
> If you want to try an quicken my writing then please review and tell me what you think :)

Josh had been left behind far too many times in his life and admittedly, Sam had been on the list of people who might have had a role to play. However, she had done everything in her power to make amends and at grave moments she had decided to stand by him. He needed support and she intended to give him that - her help and care would be free for the taking. At all times.

 

Except this one.

 

"-and I'll be going now but I'll be back in a few hours. Snacks are in the cupboard and if you need anything- "

 

"I know, mom. I was only away for a month - I still know where everything is."

 

"But if you need anything you can just call me on my cell and-"

 

"I _know_ , mom."

 

It was clear that Mrs. Washington wanted to help but that particular wish became a little harder to satisfy when said help wasn’t welcomed. So Sam had seen her chance of escape and excused herself to go to the restroom while Josh fought valiantly in the tough struggle against his overcompensating parent. She didn't really have to go but she wouldn't be the one to come between a mother hen and her chicken. She smiled to herself as she caught a look on Josh's face that was the sheer manifestation of a sigh.

 

_He's going to have to get used to all that fussing - I'm probably doing him a favor._

 

She smiled to herself as she reached the end of the stairs. 

 

The nearest toilet was just up the staircase, at the end of the hallway where the main bedrooms were also located. She found her inner eye bombarded with images and sequences narrated with laughs and the sound of small feet running eagerly.

 

This particular hallway had been named  _the children’s ward_. At least that was what Beth had once told Sam. However, the nickname – which had naturally surfaced as a joke, when the Washington residence had had three children with the flu at the same time – was cut as soon as Josh had been diagnosed with his mental problems. 

 

And _there_  was the restroom door.  

 

_Okay, Sam. You can do this..._

 

Sam took a deep breath and tried to keep her eyes on the restroom sign but when she passed the doors leading to each of the twins’ bedrooms, she stopped on her tracks despite her determination not to.

 

To her right _Beth_ was written with white chalk on blackboard hanging on a nail. There was a small drawing of an angry face with a beanie, and with small letters something was written down, which would otherwise be unclear, had Sam not had year-long experience with different Washington scribbles.

 

 _The Evil Twin_  the note said. Sam couldn’t help but smile fondly and felt a pull in her chest. She then gnawed undecidedly at her lower lip as she straightened up and turned towards the door opposite of Beth’s. The same kind of blackboard hung on Hannah's door, whose name was decorated with stars and flowers and now Sam acted solely on habit as she reached for the door handle. Before she caught herself doing it, that was. Her fingers withdrew as if she had been burned.

 

_Goddammit, Sam..._

 

Was she allowed to just step in? That without asking for a permission of some kind? It felt weird to think about the situation like this, since she had always been accustomed to be able to somewhat come and go as she pleased. Many years of friendship created habits that didn't disappear in a measly year.

 

Sam fidgeted a little on her feet. She couldn’t say that she hadn’t been curious to see what had become of the girls' rooms but each time she had considered asking about it, a stone had sunk in her stomach. When she now stood before Hannah's bedroom, her hands trembled on the handle. So when the door opened with a slow breath, it almost surprised her how it hadn’t weighed more than it did.

 

The windows were more or less darkened – heavy purple curtains kept out every bit of the midday sun - but she knew the way to the outlet by heart. As her fingertips ran over the smooth plastic surface with the sad remains of a Mickey Mouse sticker an almost clinical white light covered the room. Her hands were now slightly sweaty when she let troubled eyes search the room for something she didn’t really know what was.

 

The space was covered in a light layer of dust which stole the show from Hannah's otherwise radiantly colorful furnishing, which usually gave the room a warm feeling with a touch of traditional 'girl'. In fact, Sam definitely had a feeling that the bedroom was more lifeless as she had ever seen it. However, not much had changed, to be honest. She didn’t know if she had expected to find a lot of half-filled boxes – perhaps even an empty room. But instead the space was almost disconcertingly tidy and Sam’s first impression was a comparison to an old museum exhibition. It was as if Hannah's room, her _space_ and _escape_ was frozen in time while the rest of the world remained unconcerned about it. Unmoved.

 

Sam looked around the room as she was suddenly flooded with memories of better times. She could see herself trying to comfort her best friend with her hopeless crush, just as well as she could recall several times in which they had laughed so loudly that Beth had come sneaking in to join them.

 

Behind her eyes she felt a light but insistent prickling as she turned toward the half-open door and for a split second, she sincerely expected Beth’s smiling face to appear only to step in and jump on the bed so that Sam and Hannah would almost roll off the edge...

 

It was suddenly hard to breathe.

 

She hurried to the window, pulled almost desperately at the curtains only to be almost blinded by the sharp light from the bright day outside and then struggled frantically with the lock. Her hands shook but the lump in her throat was a little easier to swallow by the time the window gave in to her request.

 

The air that met her face was cold and the dust danced lightly in the newly appeared golden beam as a gentle breeze passed her shaking frame. The tears that waited in the corners of her eyes froze before they could fall and she took a deep breath.

 

_They're gone. Both of them._

 

Sam hadn’t been in Hannah's room since before the twins disappeared. She couldn’t bring herself to ask for it, even when she had visited Josh. She had always felt welcome in this home and a few times she had even downright felt like an adopted sibling but as Josh, Sam and all the others came home from their first trip to the mountain without Beth and Hannah...?

 

She had wanted to give the Washington’s some space. She had wanted to give Josh some space. Just as she gave him space now.

 

A sigh escaped her dry lips.

 

How was she going to prove that she wasn’t going to leave him in the mud again?

 

"Hey." _Speaking of the devil._

 

"Hey." Sam tried to conjure up a smile as Josh's bandaged face hesitantly appeared by the door, as if he was afraid to disturb her. However, she didn’t mind an offer of a distraction, although she didn’t feel quite ready to leave the room just yet. Her hands tightened on the window sill as she leaned against the soft wind and the warm sunshine.

 

"So your mom finally left?" She asked quickly before Josh could even initiate the touchy subject which would probably emanate - you know - since he found her in his dead sisters bedroom... The tears made themselves known behind her lids again and she forced herself back into the conversation.

 

He huffed and his features shaped an overbearing grimace when he came through the door without seeming nearly half as affected as Sam felt. When he leaned a shoulder against the wall beside her, she suddenly felt air filling her lungs a little easier than a mere minute ago.

 

"You should be seen here last night. She wouldn’t leave me alone because she wanted to help me clean my cheek. And I kept saying that _I was perfectly capable of that myself_  but she just _wouldn't go_.” Sam frowned.

 

"How did you manage?" Sam certainly hadn’t had the impression that. Mrs. Washington knew anything of her son’s current situation. She had appeared to Sam as a sympathetic woman, sure, but she wouldn’t expect anyone – not even a loving mother – to not react strongly to her son's face being horribly disfigured.

 

Josh shook his head and scratched his neck, "I told her that I was embarassed by it – that I, uhm… That I didn’t want her to see it because it reminded me of how I fucked up. Then she left me alone.” He laughed nervously under his breath.

 

_Oh._

 

Sam chewed on her cheek before she let the back of her hand lightly drop on his arm.

 

"She's just trying to find out how to cope, Josh. She wants at give you some space, if that’s what she thinks you want."

 

Josh rubbed his hands in a cautious manner until he sighed and admitted, "I wish I could have showed her, though.” Sam’s eyebrows lifted slightly. He wet his lips and explained, “It felt kinda ... nice. To have her mother me like that." He avoided her gaze and it wasn't hard for Sam to sense the underlying gratitude in him. She wished for plenty more of that feeling for him.

 

"And your dad?"

 

Josh sighed while he was still rubbing his palms of an invisible layer of something.

 

"He said he wanted to take some time off. Maybe become more of a consultant on his current project instead of leading it." Josh didn’t sound convinced, though.

 

"Don’t worry, Josh. They'll adjust because _they want to_. You just need to give it some time. Besides, I'll be here to entertain you." She shrugged in an overly casual manner and seemed to ease some of his nervousness but when his eyes finally met hers, the warm gratitude had seemed to cool off. Instead she saw puzzlement with a clear touch of discouragement.

 

"But... Don’t you need to go back to school at some point?" Sam's mouth opened just to be closed again when no words came to her.

 

"I can take care of myself, you know." Her eyebrows met in mild dismay. She tried to shake it off and keep the mood light.

 

"Well, I can’t let you be alone for too long - you might set the house on fire." But Josh didn’t seem to be interested in banter and in its stead several shades of emotion flashed across his face as he tried reading hers. Sam swallowed.

 

"I don’t want you to put your life on standby because of me. You've already missed more than a month of classes- "

 

_But I don’t want you to be alone again, you idiot…!_

 

She screamed on the inside but the words died on her lips. How could she prove to him that she didn’t intend to disappear again if he wouldn’t let her?

 

"Josh-" She reached for him but her hand fell back to her side as he pulled her away. He rubbed his eyes with frustrated fingertips.

 

" _Fuck_ , Sam... I don’t need constant babysitting-"

 

"I was only kidding, you know," she defended herself but could already feel her skin come alive with silent anger, "Besides, do you actually think that I would be able to concentrate when I worry about you? You still have trouble controlling yourself around blood and you’re in a house with your parents who would have no idea what to do with you-“

 

"I _know that_ , Sam, but you can’t put your whole life on hold simply because-"

 

" _The hell I can._ "

 

Sam had always praised herself as a person who didn’t raise her voice easily but his whole attitude towards this unsettled her more than she dared to admit.

 

"You didn’t ask for help once and look where it got you." The aggravated air left him and he shrank to normal size again and Sam could see the weight of her words lay on his already burdened shoulders. She had been harsh and the guilt already felt like a regular guest but…

 

_It's a truth he needs to hear._

 

He met her gaze with a defeated look that begged for understanding but Sam didn’t know how she was supposed to approach him and keep distance at the same time. She raised her hands resignedly in the air as she tried to put the pieces together so perhaps they would be able to form some kind of solution, _a compromise_.

 

Then the doorbell rang.

 

<O><O><O>

 

On the other side of the door they found a rather delighted Chris, who seemed like someone who would spill over with excitement at any time. Triumphant, he held up a small, shabby-looking book which Sam immediately recognized as the coveted handbook. About wendigos.

 

Behind Chris, Matt stood idly by and smiled slightly awkwardly as he gave a small nod in greeting. Just over his shoulder, Emily had her arms crossed and tried to lock her eyes on anything but Sam and Josh. She tapped her glossy, polished nails on her jacket sleeve and only gave a slight nod in their direction, mirroring Matt’s greeting. Mike stood stooping as the last in the group at the back, and his sly smile didn’t quite shine through with the usual boyish charm but Sam warmly reciprocated.

 

"We know what to do!"

 

Chris more or less stormed in and discarded his jacket without feeling a need to put the book down as he fought his way out of his sleeves. He went straight for the dining room and then he conjured page after page from the book's quirky sides so he could place them on the table, arranging a collage of written and drawn pages, new and old. 

 

Matt patted Josh on the shoulder on his way through the door, then his brown eyes met Sam's with shiny sincerity.

 

"Good to see you in one piece, Sam."

 

"You too, Matt."

 

Next in line to step inside was Emily, who more or less marched on in without making eye contact with either Josh or Sam. Sam watched her before the ice queen disappeared into the dining room with Chris, but before then, Emily’s light brown eyes glanced hesitantly over her shoulder back at Sam before lifting the corner of her lips just slightly. Sam returned the gesture.

 

When it was Mike's turn to cross the threshold, a clear hesitation hung in the air. It smelled of remorse. Josh hadn’t moved in the least and it seemed that Mike shrunk all the more from the missing reaction. Perhaps he tried to put off the confrontation but he then chose to greet Sam with a smile that gave away the otherwise silent anxiety. However, mere seconds didn’t prepare Mike more than he probably was before stepping onto the porch in the first place.

 

"Hey, Josh."

 

"What's up, Mike."

 

Sam could feel Mike's nervousness paint the air and her gaze discreetly played tennis between their faces - one contracted in a nervous smile and the other disturbingly blank.

 

"It's good to see you're back."

 

"I'm glad I am."

 

Sam felt like a helpless spectator – the exchange in front her was thick with heavy choices and history. Sam knew what had transpired on the mountain because Mike had told her, with beer in hand and already all too much guilt on his shoulders. Josh had never breathed a word.

 

_Mike had left him behind._

 

You would be able to hear a pin drop, hadn't it been for Chris' ruckus in the other room.

 

So when Josh stepped aside after what seemed like an eternity later, Mike stepped in and looked rather surprised about the neutral – although welcoming – gesture.  

 

The next thing Sam knew was Mike's arms around her in a short but insistent hug. When he put her form back on the ground, he shifted to look at Josh who still had his hand on the handle even though the door had been quietly closed.

 

"Jess wanted to be here but... ya know."

 

Josh simply nodded and before the atmosphere could become all too uncomfortable again, Chris chose to stick his head out into the hall.

 

"What's taking so long?"

 

_Awkward hello's, obviously._

 

Sam sighed and let Mike lead the way into the dining room and she tried to catch Josh's gaze before he passed her right in the heels of Mike. She wasn’t so lucky.

 

In the next room Chris had prepared a whole collection of pictures and research, which was spread out all over the table – some papers clearly yellowing while others still smelled of fresh ink. Emily sat down at the table with one leg crossed and she most of all looked like someone who was more interested in tearing out her own eyes than rest her eyes on the documents in front of her. Sam could guess why.

 

Red was probably the most used color in all of the pictures.

 

Matt sat across of Emily with his hands clasped in his lap and started tapping his foot. His brown eyes not finding any rest as he skimmed the room, as if he suspected they weren't alone. Chris' vibe bordered more to one a child would have before showing his parents a perfect mud cake.

 

When they were all gathered, everyone seemed to look at Josh expectantly but although his eyes examined the content on the dining table, he didn’t break the silence.

 

So Sam cleared her throat.

 

"So... there's a... a cure?"

 

Chris caught the question rather quickly even though his insistent gaze searched out Josh's. Without success. Although, it didn’t completely dry out his eagerness to share the results of their quest to help Josh.

 

"So, as you know, Ash had kept the journal, right?" He pointed to some of the yellowed pieces of paper, some lines were crossed with bright neon colors, "We didn't find anything that could really be considered a treatment, per say, but in the book he writes about a certain _contact_."

 

"He had a... contact?" Sam's frown was smoothed by Matt's soft tone as he answered.

 

"Someone who seems like he has the same kind of…” his full lips seemed to choke on the words for just a second, “…experience. Might be able to help."

 

"With some knowledge on the subject, at the very least." Chris added. No one in the room wanted to articulate or elaborate more than absolutely necessary. Words like _wendigo, curse_ or anything in the same ballgame still felt somewhat like sprinkling salt on the tongue.

 

" _Same kind of experience_ ," Mike dragged the phrase, "as in a known player at a game of _monster trivia_." Sam nodded and glanced in Josh's direction. He had chosen to lean on the frame to the hallway, arms crossed. He seemed to have turned his eyes more inward so Sam chose to give the situation a direction in his stead.

 

"Who is he?"

 

"The contact? Well, after reading every note - let's just say, that if flamethrower-guy had a brother, this dude would be it."

 

"Do we know if they have ever encountered anything like this before?" Chris shook his head and raised his hands what would be closely compared to defeat.

 

"Nothing quite like it. Actually- "

 

"-we have already contacted him." Mike finished and had a hand running through his hair, which had become rather long.

 

This made Josh’s frozen shape stir a bit.

 

Sam's jaw dropped involuntarily, "You-you've already contacted him?"

 

Mike nodded and pointed at Chris, who had the decency to look just a tiny bit guilty. He smiled wryly and once again shrugged before admitting, "I stumbled upon an email-address and I didn’t think it'd hurt to write him." His smile became just slightly wider and Sam foresaw the outcome of this particular email correspondence.

 

"No..."

 

"Yes."

 

"He can actually help?"

 

"Seems like it."

 

"But that's... that's..."

 

"Awesome?"

 

Sam's heart almost jumped out of her chest and her face became hot as it hadn’t been for the longest time.

 

_Excitement._

_Hope_.

 

She turned back towards Josh, whose green gaze was still distant but the good news were clearly broadcasted before his eyes. Sam couldn’t house all the energy that suddenly overflowed her system and made her skin tickle. She found herself around Josh’s neck in a flash.

 

"Did you hear that, Josh? You can get help!"

 

They were able to help him... There was chance of a way out of all this darkness he had been trapped in for far too long...

 

Her warmth was in abundance and her wholehearted attempt to transfer just a touch of it to Josh almost succeeded. But only almost.

 

Josh gulped.

 

Sam let go of him and slowly turned back to Chris, resting a hand on Josh’s slightly trembling arm.

 

"How much does he know about Josh?"

 

" _Some_ but I kept it vague, you know? In case- "

 

"-in case he wouldn’t wanna come." It wasn’t even formulated as a question and Josh rubbed his arms as if he was cold, sliding off Sam’s palm. Or as if he could rid himself of a layer of skin, more like it.

 

Sam bit at her lip thoughtfully as she pondered her reassuring words but she couldn’t help but notice the frustration bubbling under the surface. She couldn’t blame Josh for being afraid to hope – been there, done that – but how could she get him to understand that they would get him the help he needed, no matter the price?

 

"Josh-"

 

"He _will_ help."

 

For the first time since they all arrived it was Emily's voice that made itself known. Her gaze was sharp when it clashed with Josh's uncertainty.

 

"He will help or we will make him. That trip fucked up a lot of things and they need to be set right - _got it_?"

 

Mike looked kind of impressed, Matt looked somewhat struck and Chris nodded in agreement. The grimace on Josh's face looked nervously reassured, though, and that was all it took for Sam's restlessness to reside for the time being.

 

"He said he'd come within a few days," but before Sam could even argue about the relatively loose time frame, Chris raised calming hands, "but he stressed a meeting even more than I did, so-"

 

"-he's going to actually show up?"

 

"I think so."

 

The room had been filled with a strange kind of anticipation – a tension that didn’t quite have a direction, rather it had more of a mood than a purpose.

 

_Perhaps this is the answer._

 

Sam looked in Josh's direction but he had silently moved from the door frame to all the many pictures on the table. Undisturbed, his hand reached out for a sketch of a wendigo – an animal skull decorated with majestic antlers dripping with precious drops of what was supposed to look like blood, no doubt.

 

All eyes were directed at Josh and his reaction and for a moment Sam didn’t think that they would get more out of him than what they had seen this far but then he gently put the drawing back down, careful to not blow away any of the other papers. Then he began to fiddle with the bandage on his cheek, as he had the habit of doing since they came up with this solution to cover up his secret.

 

When his green eyes looked up and met hers, she felt a warm and exhilarating sensation spread through her veins. There was a fire in his eyes, which she had dreaded might have been driven away by the mess that was his life as of late. Now, they fizzled with determination and perseverance, and Sam could have sworn that for the shortest of seconds, he hadn’t been himself. It was gone in a heart beat and his gaze softened.

 

"Thanks guys, this..." he blinked away his hesitation and straightened himself, "this is really great."

 

His words were few and trivial but Sam could feel how the atmosphere shifted - Matt's mouth revealed white rows of teeth; Emily's arms were no longer clutching each other but were instead clasped in her lap; and Mike's hands had left the pockets of his jacket to rest on his hips and his back was straight. Sam sought Chris' blue eyes and confirmed that she wasn’t the only one who noticed.

 

_Forgiveness was sometimes a reciprocal process._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's always a risk of chapters feeling too fragmented or 'scattered' when updates are far in between but I still hope it works and that you enjoyed it.
> 
> Make me write quicker by reviewing :)


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